Skip to main content

Mellow...

Been spending quite some times with Abo lately.
Ini kaya masa2 "terahir" kita sebelum dia lahiran dan sebelum gw ke NZ.

It's hard pondering on the thoughts that we're gonna be apart across continent.
Padahal these couple of years juga kita jauh ya.
Gw di jakarta, dia di bali... tapi now berasanya beda aja.

It's like, one chapter of our life is ending.
Starting a new one - a better one, ofcourse - in a totally different journey.

I'm on my way to my promised land.
She's on her way to motherhood.
Alas, both of us are going to live our dreams.

We've been friends for almost two decades, it's a total blessing. Not everybody has that privilege.
--------

I'm getting anxious, really.
Getting out of comfort zone really is never easy.
I'm so darn worry about everything under the sky.

Onya is the one I think most.
Belakangan gw sering ngeliatin dia.
She's one happy, bright and confident kid.
God knows, I would literally do ANYTHING in my power to keep her as that.
I pray and pray and pray and praaay that God will grant me wisdom, discerment and patience in raising her.

I don't ever want to be a momzilla.
I never was and certainly hope never will.
I wanna be a good mom (and wife, of course).
-------

Andi is not really on my "worry about - list"
Somehow I know he'll do well.
I know that he knows I support him all the way.
-------

I know my parents also been losing sleep lately.

Every single morning - without absence since Onya was born, papi ALWAYS text or bbm "onya gimana semalem (bobonya)?"

And today, as I toss and turn at the wee hour of dawn, at 3:28 am papi bbm.
Ya itu, nanya "onya gimana semalam?"
I asked him ko belon tidur.
Lagi nonton Fox, he said.
... But I know my dad.
He has too many things in his head too about me leaving.

He said casually yesterday sambil cengengesan,
"Papa mama pada ga bisa tidur mikirin Onya"

One thing about my dad, eventhough I've been calling my folks "papi mami" eversince I can remember, he always refer to himself and mami as "papa" and "mama"

Mami juga has been saying this for at least a gazillion times.
"Siap ga kamu de, ga ada mami loh disana.."

Mami tuh ya, as annoying as she can be sometimes, tapi she's the only person I would trust with without a single doubt.

I know she'll take a super good care of Onya.
Papi juga sih, tp kalo buat urusan gendong - ngurus makannya etc, mami is the best despite some times she gets on my nerve krn gw berasa dia terlalu nurutin Onya. Buktinya she raised me well tuh.
I am who I am now ya because she helps shaping me with her parenting.
She made a solid foundation in me.
In the midst of temptaions during my youth in western country - I manage to go against the flow and say "no" to sex and drugs. (Well, pernah si nyoba cimeng twice hahaha - different posting about that later)

I'm gonna miss them ofcourse.
I'm scared.
I'm anxious.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to do it all.
Bahkan at times, gw berasa kayanya gw ga sanggup deh.
Tapi deep down I know we'll make it.
Somehow. :)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bucket List

Yep. Been hearing a lot about people dropped dead suddenly. Mulai dari si Adjie Masaid, babenya si Joshua, then just now Emma's friend juga Dadaism died of heart attack. She was 29 years old, just got ,arrayed last October. Life is so fragile. That's why I really hate Andi each time I have to remind him over and over again about healthy lifestyle. Anyway, decided to make a bucket list for myself. 1. Back to NZ 2. Sky dive 3. Vacation to Russia 4. Having more than enough funds for Onya to pursue her degree in England, Oxford University preferably :) 5. Ngeliat Andi punya bodi keren 6. Buying a house for my parents 7. Karet tengsin dijual Hmmm....... Belon kepikiran yg lawn. Nanti di update lg deh
Post a Comment
Read more

Pippy

We have a new addition in the family. We adopted a Jack Russell from SPCA.  Kenapa anjing? Karena seumur idup gua, for as long as I can remember, gua selalu punya anjing. Bukan cuma sekedar "miara" loh, tapi yg bener2 part of the family.  Yg paling membekas itu tentu aja Piko ama Picca my last two dogs.  Kakah died when I was about 5 months pregnant with Onya. Jadi Onya sama sekali ga sempet ketemu my dogs.  Makin kesini gw makin yakin, kalo animals play an important role in kids life (at least di idup gw lah). They learn about responsibility, caring and most importantly compassion. I wanna give a chance buat Onya ngerasain apa yg gw rasain ke Piko n Kakah. The gift of unconditional friendship they gave... And how u learn to love them too.  Kenapa adopt? Karena saya ini agak2 idealis tapi realistis. I love animals. Dogs especially.  Idealis karena gw mau do the right thing YG GW BISA. Realistis karena, as much I want to.... Gw ga akan sanggup kl disuru jadi...
4 comments
Read more

Another Random Post

It is perhaps a monumental probability that I've simply forgotten what has kept me here. Or evidently, what I have fought so hard for. What wind could be so strong, it banishes hundreds of acres of oaks, yet still ever so gentle enough to persuade even the most delicate of buds to move with, barely, an inch-long effort. My God, seeing kunyuk with that robe triggered something inside. I miss her. I know she'd worked soooo hard to be where she is now. I miss those moments. Though I must admit, maybe, just maybe... Im not running for the same dream anymore. The passion still there, ... it's just become a smaller part of me. Could I have waited this long, and demolished five full years of emotional barricade? Nah. I've walked too far to even think of steeping back. What faith could have, so morbidly, left my judgement impaired? The first scar may be the deepest, but a scar is a scar. ... and one left to bleed without stitches is bound to come undone. Tapi guess what? Im hea...
Post a Comment
Read more