The Me Inside....

Some Stuff Yesterday I was soooo sick ay.. boker2, demam, eneg2... waaah bete maaan! much much better today, walo notabene masi ga ngantor. Pengen pipis, tapi males jalan ke wc. udah goyang2 kaki, udah mletet2... tapi teteeep aja pengen pipis. maleeess jalannyaaaaa. *ga penting banget sih* Hari Minggu ini mau nonton encore-telecast-nya Highschool Musical di Disney Channel. Can't wait!! Me love that movie. Me sooo in love with it. I luv any movie that has anything to do with music (whether singing or involving any instruments), dance and chickflick. Movie about music gave me goosebumps. Me luuuvvv it. Tadi nonton some movie di HBO. ... about a broken home family, basically that movie was about regret. Then me, being me.... jadi mikiiirr deee. What is the key to living a life without regret? Is it just the sheer stubbornness never to admit that you have regret? ... or is it being able to appreciate all that you have become, because of the challenges you have faced? If given the oppo...

Thoughts... Sometimes it's true that people lie to earn others' love, trust, and affection. .. but I believe that there's no man for any considerable period can wear one face to herself, and another to the multitude, ..... without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not . Let the world know you as you are, .. not as you or others think you should be , because sooner or later, if you are posing, ... you will forget the pose, and then where are you?

Whispering A Silent Prayer, But God, I am grateful. Where the Sun lays defeated upon the horizon, Where the light breaks down into a million different hues, Where my dream sees true. There I stand, confused . The path went so fast. One moment became a million moments. One night captured a thousand nights. Never allowing consciousness to completely sink in, ... never disregarding a second of the simplicity in a tender embrace ......... that turned into a slice of paradise. It's not fair, Some people have it, but they don't want it. Some cant have it, but they want it so badly. So where do I stand? How long shall I wait? Ah. O well, ... toodle doos Good night.

Counting My Blessings.. Actually, I’ve typed yesterday tapi tiba2 haaaang.. ilang dee. Hiks. I was just thinking about how blessed my life is. I wanna count my blessings now… Jaman di KL dulu, … ada SL yg always be there for me, even til now. … ada a bunch of the cell-girls and FGT-ans, … ada Jasmine Towers gank, … ada Yen Yen yg look out for us, ... ada Sisi yg suka maksa gw dengerin dia cerita sampe jem 3 pagi. … even ada Mr. Allan yg rese! Jaman di Auckland, … of course, there was Joanne Liza Bell, the greatest homestay mom ever. (she taught Ella and I on how to use a condom…. on a carrot!! hilarious!) *du’uh* … ada Adi, my sweet little bro who gave me white rose on my 22nd bday. … ada Ella, yg biar jelek2 gitu tapi taught me the true meaning of patience. … ada Eka yg ngalamin apa yg gw alamin, on fire bareng, ancur2an bareng, ngeroko bareng di pinggir pantai, mabok2an bareng, beli weeds bareng.. sampe ngumpet2 transaksi di mobil. *ancur banget gilaaa* Udah kayak di felem2 ajaa.. ...

Happy Buffday mami Mom's 56th bday today, had a nice dinner di Seafood Ayu. Yuumm... ... those crabs are darn spicy! Went home and mami dapet kue dari Ii Oikun n Tante Yenny. Complete with a card, ... and on that card, they stapled Rp. 500,000! Those aunties are sooo cute. It's good to see that they're looking out for each other. I wanna have friends like that when Im old. Sabtu kemaren I bought a Miracle Essence from SK-II buat mami. Gw ga sabar nunggu hari ini.. ... pengen cepet2 kasih kadonya, n ikutan nyobain pake SK-II. Wiiii... muka gw jadi aluuuusss maann. Sooo smooth! *kalo begini caranya bisa2 gw yg ngabisin* huehugea.... Anyway, all in all... me heart me mommy :-)

Disney Original Movie: High School Musical One of the best movie.... EVER!

Aaaauuw... You are my fairytale, ... A dream when Im not sleeping.

Here we go... After days of being not in the mood of typing, this morning I woke up and felt like it. Something happened on Friday and Saturday. On Friday night, I realized that I've got so much hurt inside. Learning to let it go, sebenernya gw agak kaget pas Luciana tiba2 aja came to me and said : Anggap aku cici-mu ya... gapapa, kamu boleh cerita kok. Then she simply hugged me. Didn't say anything. Maaaan, my weakness lays in hugs ay? I just melted. It felt good. It really did. Saturday was different though. I felt numb most of the time. Maybe gara2 lack of sleep kali ya? Practically didn't sleep the whole night, ... dilema between mo pegi kerja or ikut RE. Ahirnya jam 6 pagi, I've made a decision to go for RE. I told God that I just wanna be set free. Tapi kenapa ya all I felt was numbness ? ------------------------------------------------------------------ On A Totally Different Subject, Had a 20 minutes talk with bro on Friday nite. .. and that 20 minutes will hav...

Dear Life, This one is for you : Soldier You used to goof on me like I’m a fool. You weren't smart enough to bury your lies. I realized it all in a sniff. So here goes my beef… Words don’t heal, touch won’t mend. I was the vulnerable shatter of the heart that u broke. I was the soldier of your war, the bright colour in your grey world, So blinding to see that you didn’t even notice. For the hope that I have, for the dreams that I paints... Now , it is my war and you’re the soldier.

Only ever longed for things that I've missed. She awoke from a painful dream, wincing at the afterthought. Any other times, she would've been greatly thankful. But this time around, she wanted her happy ending. She floated around the house, searching for the one thing that would sober her up. But what could possibly cure a wounded heart? Forgive me. For all the things I've been too scared to admit. Because it's hard to compensate for a past you never had.

Another Tolol-ism When the shear pressure exceeds the yield stress, .... the material is no longer elastic. It fractures. Irreversibly. Permanently.

Things I enjoy, not because I have to but because I WANT to... * Driving. alone . * Liatin Piko n Picca tidur... * Minumin cafe mocha ampe kembung * Ngliatin foto waktu sekolah dulu (yaaa, yang ini mah malah bikin tambah stress.... rada tolol) * Just sit on my bed, hug my pillow...and throw it away...take it...and throw...take and throw...and kick it...after all...hug lagi... (another tolol-ism) * Scream, maki2 orang laen. * Nonton tipi * Ikut Jo backpacking ke Thailand n Vietnam for 8 friggin' weeks!! (shiitt, she got me drooling all over.. pengen banget ikut.... ) Talking about my last point... Jo has a life! I found myself telling me to get a life. Idup kan cuma sebentar... then why don't I do something I want? Ga usah kepentok sama 8.30 - 4.30 office hour, Ga usah ngeliatin tampang Baski, Ga usah pusing soal apa2.... Bule gitu tuh... they have a life . Dulu si Pete n Jenny, pergi ke Africa for 3 months... backpacked aja, seeing different side of the world. Biar mata ju...

Yg Gua Mao.... Gw mao nyelesein semua kerjaan gw. Gw mao tidur dari jem 10 malem sampe jem 7 pagi. GA BOLE ADA YANG GANGGU! Gw mao muter waktu ke 8 taon yang lalu. Gw mao dengerin lagu melow sampe bego di mobil. Sendiri! Gw mao ikut Jo ke Thailand n Vietnam. - 10. Gw mao ga usah mikir apa2 lagi.

ANOTHER HONESTY Sometimes, I feel like quitting. And somehow, somewhere, I think I did. I wanted to keep believing...…. That at least some of you would be here to stay That no matter what, I can always hold onto you... Was it last two weeks? Or had I stopped believing a long long time ago? ...... To: the two men I (supposedly) look up so much, ... your words and actions had dawned on me, like never before. ....... Just so that you know, ............ You've crushed my spirit and made me wanna quit.

ANOTHER PROMISE...... Untuk Ditepati I promise... Gw akan membuat hidup gw menjadi berharga, bukan karena keberadaan orang lain atau siapapun di sisi gw. tapi... karena apa yang gw lakukan. Gw ga mau butuh orang lain, semua malah bikin kecewa.. Gw ga butuh bukti dari siapapun, as long as I have me. Dammit , Im hurt. Big time.

ABOUT ME Why is it suddenly my responsibility? Why does he have to put so much pressure on me? It was my dream, by the way. Dream . Not Obligation. Why does he have to imply that if anything... anything at all goes wrong, ... then it is my fault. I don't have to tell him everything. He doesn't have to know how much tears I've shed over this matter. He doesn't have to know how many restless night I've been (still going) through. He doesn't have to know that I want this more than anything. He doesn't have to know that I almost gave up my faith. He doesn't have to know that I've fought so hard all these times. He doesn't have to know that I feel so alone most of the times. He doesn't have to know that I've used all my strength just to keep my sanity. He doesn't have to know that I wished I can scream out my lungs. He doesn't have to know that I'd rather DIE then not being able to breakthrough. He doesn't have to know that th...

ABOUT LAST NIGHT CONVERSATION..... The things I will never say. This isn't about saying the right things at the right times. It's about not saying the wrong things at the most tempting moments. I guess some things are indeed better left unsaid. This could be the end of the rope, ... well, at least Im about to give it all up.