The Me Inside....

Hatiku, terjaga aman... dalam kelembutanMu, Bapa. Hari ini been feeling numb the whole day. Things aren't really that great. ... but through the eyes of faith, I wanna learn to see. At least life has been gentler to me then it is to Sharon. Adrian is still unconscious till today. Must have been really tough on the family. On the other hand, mom... please, please get well soon. I've never, ever- say this verbally nor even jot it down... My biggest fear since I was a child is this : Gw takut pimi pass away. These few years, I've been praying. Doa gw gini, Tuhan, tolong kasih kendi kesempetan. Kesempetan buat ngebahagia'in papi mami financially. Really pray for good health, umur panjang buat pimi. Juga tolong pelihara rasa cinta diantara mereka. Please give me that chance, buat bawa pimi jalan2 ke Cina, buat pay off whatever needs to be paid, buat bikin mereka bangga. Pengen beliin mereka apartement... Most of all, pengen bisa bawa mereka idup...

It's been a while since I updated, as usual. I don't really have anything cohesive to write, just felt like writing something. Im sitting here, sticky fingers outstretched in the empty chamber of my mind. Feeling the stale air, brushing aside cobwebs (ingetin kudu suru Alia manjat besok, ada sawang dikit) and just, waving around... hoping some flotsam memory will stick to my fingers so that I can pull it out and jot it down. There are times, like when I have a cup of coffee before stepping into the office, ... looking up at the sky and I see these huge clouds floating like air blips. I don't know why but they've got my undivided attention. They're so big like they don't belong up there, as though they're too big for the sky. And Im looking up at them and the scene from my peripheral vision slows down to match their speed. I can almost feel my mind travelling with them except, I can't be. ... because my eyes are stationary, aren't they? Or the times ...

Dear my Father in heaven, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASEEEE!! ya God yaaa?? pleeeaaassseee... bole yaaa? puh-leeezzzeeee... PLEAASSSEEEE

Was intending to write something light tonight, but my mind has drifted far deeper than just 'light'. Many things had happened these last 5 weeks, and I guess today is one of those moments when I put my thinking-cap on. So it's gonna be one of those loooong posts. Let's see.... ------------------------------ On my last post, I said I really need some space. Yep. I've built a wall so high that I wasn't letting anybody come near me. I was a cranky bitch for a couple of weeks... until she pushed the button. I saw it coming. I knew I couldn't take it anymore. So on that one fine day in the car, I blew up. Of course, me being me, there were so much tears and sobbing involved. ... but at least I conveyed the messege right out. I felt better after. ------------------------------ Perfection. ... has become a profound word for me lately. It bugs me. Im beginning to resent the fact that reality comes delivered on a line drawn between me and perfection. Not to say it...