The Me Inside....

So, have I told you that after I closed my Health-Sector chapter, I went on to work for Ministry of Justice? Anyway, MoJ is a much bigger scale compared to the hospital. The place is literally HUGE.  There's no special treatment, as in... even when you're the highest of the rank, you dont get an office. At all.  You get a table, along with everybody else. This place is so much more high-tech then the old hospital office.  Though I must admit, my corner office with a helicopter view (literally, I can the the rescue helipads) was much more interesting in terms of view.  Now as much as I enjoy this new office, I've made a secret pact with God.  Ofcourse, it has everything to do with my health. I may or may not quit. And if I quit, I wont even bother to think about going back to work for the rest of the year. The ball is not in my court now.  But ofcourse, I secretly have a wish on which way He will throw the ball to.  So, thank You that I can be who I am ...

I need to vent! Badly!!! So! I had a bad morning. Like... REAL bad! Baru kelar meeting, and monyong monyong monyoooonnggg deh. They put me on the spot. I was unprepared. I didn't even know ini ada meeting sampe dadakan digeret. Monyeeeetttttt. Beneran SO GLAD i'll be outta here soon. Gw paliiing ga suka di put on the spot. For watever reason! There is a reason kenapa gw selalu bolos pas birthday. There is a reason kenapa gw selalu refuse farewell party. Even for purposes like getting an award waktu jaman di US Embassy dulu, I NEVER like it. Apalagi iniiii, yg gw ditembak bertubi2 soal things I dont understand. Make me look and feel stupid!! Monyooongggg. I wasn't prepared!! I don't like jadi pusat perhatian, apapun bentuknya itu. I dont even like public recognition!! I don't care about siapa yg dapet kredit. Beneran deeh! Makan tuh kredit. Gw ga ngejar karir. Gw ga ngejar uang. I have enough of those. Gw kerja purely supaya gw ga petentang ...

Tanggal sepuluh maret! Beneran work is not good deh for my mental state.  Gw super cranky, super stress, super moody.... otak kayanya pennnnuuuhhh banget. Level toleransi n sabar gw jadi pendeeekk banget. Ketemunya sama orang ngeyel pula.  I cannot waiiittt to end this.  Just a couple more weeks.... i cannot waiiitttt

RELIEVED!!!! Like a huge rock been lifted up. So I guess this is the right decision? 

Okay, so I obviously do NOT want to jinx it..... but strangely, my first 3 days of coming back to work is not too bad. To the contrary..... I feel that Im more productive these 3 days compared to the last 2 months. Weird. Scary at the same time too. I'm practically on my own now, with one of manager had been made redundant and the other one is declining her contract extension. (she's not even here today, and noone knows where she is). The two Management Accountants are.... well, out of reach. One has a major personality problem..... the other one is drawning with work and he has to make decision whether he wants to stay or move to other DHB. Then one of my colleague is taking a sick leave for 3 weeks. I honestly do not know how am I going to cope on my own next week. I literally have noone to ask if I don't understand something. I kept saying in my head "mampus dah".......  tapi as per this very second, I still haven't made up my mind whether gw m...