The Me Inside....

My pain has gone. I let you go with peace. .. but in time like this, I miss you. I miss you when the sun comes out The times before I go to work When I saw you looking at me And tilt your head for me I miss the sight of you at the door The joyful eyes when you saw me come I miss the way you lie on the floor The way you enjoyed yourself when I rub your ear I wonder if your heaven is a nice place I sure hope it is I want you happy where you are No pain No suffering And most important... always loved Remember me when I see you there one day. I love you very much. Missing you always.

Piko pulang. .... jemput Piko di Bogor trus bawa dia pulang deh. Lucu juga, si gendut itu jadi cuma secuput kecil. hihihi... ga papa ya Pik, yang penting sekarang udah ngumpul lagi. :) Abu-nya Piko bakal ditaro di peles bening, ... biar dia bisa liat2 hehehe.... Piko sayaaang, udah bener2 tenang disana sekarang ya. ... since sekarang kamu uda balik sama kita lagi. ... back to your family lagi, where you belong. Udah ga sedih lagi, ... sekarang yang ada cuma tinggal rasa sukur bisa kenal piko. I know he'd lived a great life, bener2 disayang and dimanjain. .... dia juga sayang banget kok ama kita.... :) Trus sekarang dia udah hepi up there. Jadi... Im good. He will always live in my heart. Memory of him will bring joy to my soul. Kangen banget sih tetep. .... tapi sedikit terobati pas mangku his remains yesterday. Sayang yaaaa genduut. *peluk, cium, gendong, peluk lagi*

It is not the matter of 'getting-over' him. It's the matter of finding and making peace. I've made a choice to be grateful. Yes. I still cry when I remember him. Still cry when I saw the empty spot where he usually sat in. Still cry when I saw the floor is clean, with no pee. And yes. I still hope that he'd suddenly appear from behind the wall, as he normally did, with his big-round eyes looking at me.... wanting some Pringles. It's completely ok to cry. ... through it all, I found my peace. I found my peace knowing that he's in a very very good hand. ... knowing that he had lived a wonderful life. ... knowing that he loves me, too. So Pik, no need to worry about me. You can be rest assured that Im alright. .. and if you happen to see a guy named Jesus, That's the guy who gives me comfort. That's the guy who helped me find the peace I needed. .. been talking to Him a lot lately. But I haven't got a chance to meet Him in person. So, yeah... you be...

I know it's a little too late to be asking for christmas present, ... but can I please have my dog back? Please. I know. Can't have him back, can I? I just wanna dig a hole so deep that noone can see nor touch me. I need my friggin' space. I don't need all those speech about 'Piko doesn't want you to be sad' or 'just let him go..' or 'musti relain.. biar dikremasi, kan jiwanya udah ama Tuhan' and so on and on and oon.. Dont they think I know that? Aren't Christian allowed to have grieving moments, too? Isn't it normal not wanting to imagine how your best buddy for 15 years will be creamated? And you know what? As much as he's happy up there, Im pretty sure he misses me as much as I miss him. I just wanna be alone for a while. Ga lama kok. Just for awhile.. I know they all love me... and I appreciate it. Really. .. but as of now... DONT TALK TO ME!!! Text me, write me a comment, email me or whatever... JUST DONT TALK TO ME!!!!!! Pl...

I miss him so much.

Thank you so much, ... for being there for me. ... udah nungguin tiap kali aku pulang malem. Never complains even when I left you for years during my college years. Thank you.. that you always stood up for me. Thank you. ... for teaching me about unconditional love. Now that you're gone. .. I wish I can turn back time to 15 years ago when I saw u for the first time. Tapi gapapa dut. I know you've lived a very very good life while you're on earth. You died in the arms of your family. Literally. I love you. We love you. So very much. ... I hope you know that. I know , you know that. Dutiieh... kamu pahlawanku. And you will always be. Mulai dari bandel2nya pas SMP, ... sampe pas aku patah hati buat pertama kali pas SMA, ... terus pas aku ngambek gara2 ga boleh ke Perth waktu umur 16, Kamu juga yang nemenin waktu pertama kali aku ngebajak kamar ucok pas dia pertama ke Ostrali. Pas pertama ke KL, kata mami kamu ga mau tidur... kamu terus nungguin aku di tangga for days.. I dont...

Sembuh dong sayang..... you're like the best dog ever. Even now that you're old. Lord, please let him know that I love him. Tuhan, Piko harus sembuh. ... he has to sniff on my baby's feet. Just like what Boogey did to si kecil. Uncle piko has to sniff my little one. Comfort him, God. ... ease the pain and make him well.