The Me Inside....

I ended up spending 5 days in ICU.  My heartfelt gratitude to the doctors and nurses who really go above and beyond.  In a helpless situation, they continuously reassured me that it's okay.  It's okay if your body turned on you.  It's okay if you feel your body betrayed you. That's what they're there for.  To help. To make it easier.  Those nurses work 12 hour shift a day. 3 days a week.  Decent enough. But the way they care for you, is above your expectation. You see, that was my first time in ICU.  First 3 days I literally had no control of my body.  I didn't even know where I was.  I didn't who my name was. I didn't know my birthdate. I didn't know what year is this! Everything was foggy. I couldn't walk properly because extremely low blood pressure. I couldn't feel my bowel movement.  That was really one of the lowest point in my life. Having to be so dependent on someone else. They even made me pee in a bedpot because I wasn't ...

Sooo ready to go home Thursday morning when things turned south at about 750 am. I threw up and started to have massive pain on my back.  Then apparently I texted Andi suru dia dtg. (Which I didnt remember). He came right away, and found me in a fetal position curling and muntah lagi.  Gw dah ga inget apa2, gw cuma samar2 inget there were so many docs and nurses around me. I realised from previous experience that I created a commossion again. It was a medCall. Emergency state where within seconds all the docs and (more senior) nurses will come to my rescue.  My body shaked violently. I had rigors. I remember being sooo cold and thirsty. They didnt let me drink nor have blanket as apparently my body temp rose to 42°c. I dont remember much, i think I was out for the most part. I remembered snippets, but not the actual event.  I think I vomitted again. Then they stabilised me, I remember having an argument about not wanting to put a cathether. But they had to. So they d...