I honestly never thought much about this friendship.
I’ve always known she was different. That she needed someone who listen. That I needed to be there for her every now and then. She was the odd one out. Noone at work really wanna be her friend, because she’s so different. She’s quirky and “weird” to this world “standard”.
As someone who abhor having visitor in my home, somehow I felt a nudge to not say no to her. Honestly, it wasn’t easy for me. I struggled a lot whenever she told me she wanted to come for coffee…… but something inside always pushed me to say yes. I even initiated our catch up sometimes when I felt she needed to vent.
She was the only person I welcomed in my home in a regular basis. Mostly once a month or once every 2 months for the last 4 years.
We just had coffee, and mostly I let her talk. We’d normally spent 2-3 hours sitting on the dining table.
As my time with AvSec came to an end, I came home today with this letter in my letterbox.
To be fair, I did wonder about how much she ate during my 3 weeks BTC in Auckland. Her portion wasn’t normal at all, I even told Andi and probably my brother about how bizarre her portions were. But that stayed between my inner circle.
The last couple of weeks have been rough for me. Gw ga berasa adequate, as a wife, as a mum…. as a person. I was (am) not in the right headspace. I was spiralling down. I did have Patrice to help me out, we had rough sessions but Tuhan tau ati gw. Dia tau setau2nya.
When I read Shiori’s letter, berasa banget Tuhan bilang “you are not a bad person… sure, you fucked up a lot.. but your heart is in the right place”.
Mewek dong gw… I was reminded not to judge people. Karena truly, we’d never knew what another person is going through. Shiori is one example. For the last 4 years, I’ve been someone for her….. without me even realising that. She’s been through a lot, I knew she was depressed and needed someone.
Tuhan, kalo idup gw bisa nolong satuuu orang aja… itu cukup. Tuhan tau gw ga bisa preach His gospel directly… tapi kalo Tuhan bisa jadiin idup gw berarti buat satuuu orang aja, then use me. If I can be a hope for Shiori, I think gw bikin Tuhan hepi juga kok. “The joy of the Lord is my strength” itu bener banget si. As I said, it hasn’t been easy for me lately. Pikiran tuh kemana2 banget. Baca surat dia, itu kaya a big encouragement for me…. Kalo it pays to be genuine. Follow that little (sometimes annoying) voice in your heart. You’ll never know, you may help someone.
4 taun bukan waktu yg pendek. Gw belajar banget kalo being kind doesn’t cost much. We just need to be intentional. Be willing. Even when sometimes, it’ll mean for you to leave your comfort zone.
Hari Rabu kemaren was my last day with AvSec. I didn’t really tell anyone. I was determined to have a quiet exit… but my Team knew somehow. I know I’m loved. Their love was almost palpable. And I am thankful for them. It wasn’t easy for me to come out of my shell. It took me a good 2 years before I feel comfortable enough to sit down and eat together in the staff room. So, this Team means a lot for me too.
The letter from Shiori sealed the deal. Tuhan tau I needed that letter. Belajar kalo idup itu ga selamanya about you. Learn to give. Kaya papi bilang, kalo mau ngasih… kasih yg terbaik. Ga melulu soal harta… kadang soal waktu, soal tenaga, soal kuping buat dengerin.
Thank you Jesus for looking after me. As I’m going to a different career path, I know You’ll be there with me every step of the way. Thank you for always being there, ga pernah give up on me. I’m glad I never give You up either.
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