The Me Inside....

Never would I ever thought that getting through Christmas would be this difficult.  Too much social things happening, and I beat myself up for turning every-single-one of it down. Di kantor udah dikenal as a wuss when it comes to any social gathering (yes, as much as I love my Team... 2,5 taon gw kerja bareng mereka, I never once showed up to any of the gathering - which is like once a fortnight!).  They never stop inviting me, which is a good thing? But it gets harder and harder finding an excuse.  It’s especially hard during this period. They’re inviting me to their home, so our families can meet. And those friends like Fee yg nyuruhin dateng buat natalan. And them Indonesians yg ngadain BBQ. Andi and Onya went to the BBQ and gw dirumah dong. Trust me, I tried. Bukannya bedegong ga nyoba... it’s just ngebayangin beheha behehe tanpa juntrungan... ah. Seems so kosong. So shallow.  Too much deh buat gw. The aftermath is not worth it for my mental being. This world is ...

My very first (and probably my last) tattoo. Why lavender ?  Because I love the smell.  I love the colour.  Lavender is pretty much the only plant that stays alive in my garden. It thrives in pretty much any weather with very little care. It lives with a big bunch of other lavenders but it can also lives on its own little bundle. It shows strength, and grace. Butterfly means beauty. Not just superficial beauty... but beauty after a storm. Beauty that was earned.  Like, after it went through struggles from a cocoon. Plus, you see butterfly (normally) in a great weather. Adds the beauty to the surroundings, like a balance in the universe.  Psalm 23:6 , is what I really resonate in my life.  That no matter what, no matter where, no matter how many bad decisions I’ve made.... God’s goodness and mercy is always with me. That I’m okay. That the God who made the universe loves me still.  That regardless how fucked up I am, His goodness and mercy is always wi...