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Lavender and Butterfly




My very first (and probably my last) tattoo.

Why lavender? 
Because I love the smell. 
I love the colour. 
Lavender is pretty much the only plant that stays alive in my garden.
It thrives in pretty much any weather with very little care. It lives with a big bunch of other lavenders but it can also lives on its own little bundle.
It shows strength, and grace.

Butterfly means beauty.
Not just superficial beauty... but beauty after a storm. Beauty that was earned. 
Like, after it went through struggles from a cocoon. Plus, you see butterfly (normally) in a great weather. Adds the beauty to the surroundings, like a balance in the universe. 

Psalm 23:6, is what I really resonate in my life. 
That no matter what, no matter where, no matter how many bad decisions I’ve made.... God’s goodness and mercy is always with me. That I’m okay. That the God who made the universe loves me still. 
That regardless how fucked up I am, His goodness and mercy is always with me. 
No. Matter. What.

Why I chose to have it done on the back of my ankle?
Because I think it’s the right spot that match my personality.
You can’t even see it if I stand facing you. 
I can choose to show it, or hide it, in my own term. 
I can wear shorts, or pants... but it is actually there if you choose to see. (Unlike if you tattoo your butt, less likely people are gonna be able to see it) 
I can be very deep with a certain someone, and ‘look’ shallow with some others. Etc.
... but if you look closely, or pay more attention, it is there for you to see. 
Just how like some people see right through me, even when I don’t say anything. 
I am me. I’m here if you choose to see.
I’m not covering up anything. I can choose to let you in, or not.... but you can see me if you look closely.

Why not blue butterfly (since everybody knows I LOVE blue)? 
Because sometimes in life, I had to go out of my comfort zone. Sometimes, things happen that don’t necessarily go according to my plan or what I fancy. 
Like when I had to leave NZ For Jakarta involuntarily in 2002, or the medical procedure,..... but whether I like it or not, I need to make peace with it because it is a part of me now. 

Beautiful things came out of it too. Like, here I am now. Back in NZ, and my bond with Andi is stronger after all the near-deaths medical stuff - We both know what really matters now. We learn to enjoy life more and not sweat on unnecessary things or people. Plus, I get to meet Shona, Michelle, and many others. 

Something good comes out of blacks, reds, oranges and yellows too. Just because I love blue and don’t like other colours.... doesn’t mean it’s bad. They bring out good things too. 
 
So, this decision was not made lightly at all. 
Every aspect has been thoroughly thought of.
Was I worried? Yes. 
Did I contemplate? A million times. 
... but at the end, it feels right.
And definitely NOT to look cool or to brag about.
I don’t even tell anyone apart from 3 closest people in my life. 

Now it’s healing. 
Sakitan healing-nya dibanding natonya perasaan.
Especially after I sit down for a long time or sleep at night, the moment I stand up.... it stretched... sooo sore!!




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