The Me Inside....

I know it's a little too late to be asking for christmas present, ... but can I please have my dog back? Please. I know. Can't have him back, can I? I just wanna dig a hole so deep that noone can see nor touch me. I need my friggin' space. I don't need all those speech about 'Piko doesn't want you to be sad' or 'just let him go..' or 'musti relain.. biar dikremasi, kan jiwanya udah ama Tuhan' and so on and on and oon.. Dont they think I know that? Aren't Christian allowed to have grieving moments, too? Isn't it normal not wanting to imagine how your best buddy for 15 years will be creamated? And you know what? As much as he's happy up there, Im pretty sure he misses me as much as I miss him. I just wanna be alone for a while. Ga lama kok. Just for awhile.. I know they all love me... and I appreciate it. Really. .. but as of now... DONT TALK TO ME!!! Text me, write me a comment, email me or whatever... JUST DONT TALK TO ME!!!!!! Pl...

I miss him so much.

Thank you so much, ... for being there for me. ... udah nungguin tiap kali aku pulang malem. Never complains even when I left you for years during my college years. Thank you.. that you always stood up for me. Thank you. ... for teaching me about unconditional love. Now that you're gone. .. I wish I can turn back time to 15 years ago when I saw u for the first time. Tapi gapapa dut. I know you've lived a very very good life while you're on earth. You died in the arms of your family. Literally. I love you. We love you. So very much. ... I hope you know that. I know , you know that. Dutiieh... kamu pahlawanku. And you will always be. Mulai dari bandel2nya pas SMP, ... sampe pas aku patah hati buat pertama kali pas SMA, ... terus pas aku ngambek gara2 ga boleh ke Perth waktu umur 16, Kamu juga yang nemenin waktu pertama kali aku ngebajak kamar ucok pas dia pertama ke Ostrali. Pas pertama ke KL, kata mami kamu ga mau tidur... kamu terus nungguin aku di tangga for days.. I dont...

On a break. Finally. I don't know if it's well-deserved, but it's very much needed. I've got about a zillion mental notes in my head, I think the world would run out of post-its should they all be written down. For the past eight weeks or so, I have been looking forward to this. Now all I need is another milestone somewhere along the not-so-distant future to keep me going before, possibly, crashing down my jet and the entire army down towards this end of year. My whole life is waiting for me to be re-constructed. I think somehow I'm ready. .... perhaps just unwilling to admit to the kind of reality I've yearned for half my life - in fear of looking back and wishing I'd chosen a different life altogether. Perhaps, because I know no other way, but this is what I want. This is definitely what I've always wanted. Life will only get better. Life will take me to an exciting road.. I am ready. I suppose it's alright.... we all get scared sometimes. I suppos...

ngantuk... ngantuk... oh ngantuknya diriku... Tiada tahan lagi tuk menunggu jem 4 Haiyooohh.....

Sembuh dong sayang..... you're like the best dog ever. Even now that you're old. Lord, please let him know that I love him. Tuhan, Piko harus sembuh. ... he has to sniff on my baby's feet. Just like what Boogey did to si kecil. Uncle piko has to sniff my little one. Comfort him, God. ... ease the pain and make him well.

Iya... Good morning world. Literally yg good morning world, ... karena sayah baru aja bernorak2 ria liat Google Earth. Teknologi makin lama makin canggih ya.. Gw checked out Auckland barusan. huhauhua..... can see my townhouse booo! Canggeeh. Btw, as usual... lagi ga niat kerja dong. Salahin cuacanya doong.. dingin gini.... Last night I had a great time praying. ... it's been a while. Sendirian, denger lagu and just worship. Pressing on till peace linger and tears rolled. It's really been a while. Im sure that God will make us a channel of blessings for others. Berkatnya udah siap kok buat dicurahin. (amiiin) ... tinggal siapin hati aja, kapasitasnya lagi di enlarge (amiiiin). And it is the assurance that keeps me going. .. The assurance that all things will be beautiful in its time. And the time will come kok. It will. Not just for me. ... tapi buat semua yg willing. ... buat semua yang ga give up. Yes, we have lots and lots and lots of shitty moments in our life. We had our h...

Udah ngendon di A-TARP (Aceh Technical Assistance Recovery Project) office. Sepi... Dingin... Duuh, kenapa ya ari kejepit gini kudu masuk juga? huehuhua... tapi tak apalah, demi masa depan nan cerah cemerlang. Lagi ngebayang2in sate kambing... Oh saya lapaaar..... Desember ini ada tiga yang baru. Dapet kado natal HP CDMA baru dari Andi... sooo loovving it. Kereeeen, keciiiil, tipiiiiss.. Im officially out of the dungeon of "hp buluk". Thanks to a very very thoughtfull hubby.... couldn't ask for more :) Kerjaan baru. ... yang waktu kerjanya awesome. Kitchen set! ..... lengkap dengan meja TV, meja printer dan lemari kamar mandi Akhirnyaaaaaa..... setelah more then a year, rumahku sudah tidak 'botak' lagi. Udah "descent" dan sudah siap buat ngundang tamu :D Thank You, God.... simply for everything. ... for paying extra attention to the finest details of our life. ... for meeting our every needs in an unimaginable ways. ... and for teaching us that it's ...

Hardi-nya Singapore jadi the first Asian Idol?? What the!?!?!? Mike or Mao should've won! Dasar orang2 singapur kiasu... pasti mereka sms menggila gitu deh.. Hmmppff! *ga penting banget postingan kali ini*

It's been 3 years, 9 months and 28 days, .... and I still can't get over it. Geez! I've got goosebumps all over just by seeing it on TV. Can still remember the smell of the air. My heart still pounds so hard each time I remember it. I left something unfinished. I simply have to come back there and finish what I've started. Lord, I need a closure. I do. Kendi goblok.

Iya, ga bisa lama kalo marah... :)

Had a great time this weekend. ... small reunion with the girls, makan sushi sebojong2 banyaknye... Seru nemenin si kojel kuar masuk bridal, n ended up kayanya dia bakal pake an altered night gown from Sebastian. Ngakak2 menggila sepanjang jalan... Then si kutu came and picked me up di PI. He came with a no-occasion white rose and little card, The card said : Thank you Poo-Kie, ... for colouring my life, and make this 'journey' .. worth and exciting.. Love, *sign* -hubby- So sweet... otaknya lagi lempeng tuh.. huehehe Poo-kie stands for "pooing-yangkie", coz he said I poo a lot. This morning he fixed me breakfast. He woke up earlier for his morning jog, then when I woke up, I found him in the kitchen coooking breakie. Hihihi.... me happy :) Kamsya yaaaa Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. Literally new. Moga2 semua lancar... *keeping psalm 131 vibrant and alive...*

.... muter2 di Metro plus Sogo. Pegeeeel banget.... Gara2 nungguin si Abo tim meeting, jadilah gw kalayapan sendiri. Enaknyaa... Liat baju monyet buat Sydney-ku, beli deeeh.... secara itu baju mungil banget. I wanna see baby! I wanna see baby! I wanna see bebbiiihh!!! I wanna see bebbiiiihhhh!!!!! I wanna see bebbbiiiihhhh!!!!! Btw, besok reuni sama Kojel n Ember. Wakakakaaakk, pasti ngakak2 lagi deee... Mo liat2 bridal n stuff buat si Kojel... ... which reminds me to book ticket buat Januari 2009, secara tu anak mo kawin di Bali. Ya sulala, mo nonton tipi kali yeee... Ps. I wanna see bebbbiiihh!!!!

Yep. Biarlah. I know what Im doing kok. I was a hockey player, (was looh... abis ada yg mecahin kaca sky-rink TA sih, jadi hockey lesson di banned dee, ya ga win? hehehe) .. so let's just apply some of the rules. Push me, and I'll definately push you harder. Some people need to learn to appreciate others. I did try kok. I fucking did. Dont talk to me as if I did not try. Wrooong approach, dude. Soooo wrooong. Fuck, jangan cuma bisa point a finger and blame others kaleee. .... how shallow... *giggles* Instropeksi laah. Belon apa2 udah pasang tampang bete, belon apa2 udah geleng2 pala, belon apa2 udah menghela2 napas ga puguh, belon apa2 udah bletak bletokin mouse yg ampe bikin orang2 pada nengok, belon apa2 udah negatip mulu bawaannya. Talking about bad attitude? heheheh... hillarious. *ngakaaak* Ask anybody yg kenal gw. Gw bukan tipe orang yg setengah2 when I put my heart to it. Now.... I've had enough. Mau ke laut?? Silahkaaan..... gih sono sendiri, gw mah ogah ke laut...