The Me Inside....

Enjoying a surprisingly very fast wifi. Lots have been happening within the week. i can only thank God for the man in my life. Quality of a man is shown in times of turbulance. I know that Im secure in his love. So secure. God, thank you so much for Andi. So very very much. Im still in love with him, Lord. ... And I intend to keep it for the longest time. Wanna grow old with him. Tuhan, makasih bgt buat semuanya. thank you for including me in this journey.

Gak mungkin deh menang adu mulut sama ABG... Eksekutif Muda : "Loe nih gimana sih nyetirnya, kok ngerem mendadak tiba-tiba!" Cewek ABG : "Lah... Loe-nya bego, gak ngeliat mobil gua segede gitu ngerem!" Eksekutif Muda: "Ngomong yang sopan yah ke orang lebih tua, gak pernah makan bangku sekolahan yah?" Cewek ABG : "Emangnya gua rayap!" Wijaya, didengar oleh sekumpulan warga yang menonton dan tertawa diam-diam

Dear God,   Part of me is the prodigal, Part of me is the other brother. ... but I think the heart of me, is really somewhere between them Some days I'm running wild Some days we're reconciled I wrestle most days ... to find ways to do as I please   I was born with a wayward heart. Still I live with a restless spirit my soul is so well worn. You'd think I'd have arrived by now, but Im caught in the trappings of my search.   I've made mistakes enough to last me a lifetime I still slip, I still fall. ... but I will always run back to you You have my heart.   Always have, always will  

Adi asked me, "Kangen ga lu sama auckland's summer?"   Ya iyalaaaaahhhh! *langsung merinding sendiri, inget si cara ngomongya si Saodah yg di OB hiiii* If Only.. I live in Auckland or Melbourne... I live in a small comfy apartment I walk in the crowd to work everyday listening to my own iPod. I run my errand myself and clean my apt every weekend I cook my own food and enjoying every bits of it I can inhale oh so deeply into my clean hot dried laundries. I can eat outside alone without having a "poor me" label sticking on my forehead I find peace in feeding the ducks. . Wouldn't that be awesome???? I MISS DOING THOSE THINGS   Let me ouuuuttt of here. Let me gooooo.. lalalalaaa lililiiiiii

Lagi ngeliatin Andi golf. ... Sambil mikir. I need present. yes, future will be bright. .... but present brightness is also needed. Duuh otak! stop mikir!

always "besok ya... " always "mau, tapi...... " always "sabar ya...." always "jangan sekarang... " always "now cannot..." always "I will..... "   always future tense, never present. sigh.   Tuhan, I just want one decent day without me having to initiate everything.

Sabtu kemaren gw jaga booth di Pesta Blogger 2008. It was a long, tiring yet rewarding day.   Me being me, jadi mikir deeeh.. Jalan hidup seseorang itu ga bisa ditebak. Look at me. ... Siapa sih gw?   Beberapa taun yg lalu, I was just a kid yg too afraid or too shy buat pesen es teh di restoran. gw masih inget how I struggle buat masuk restoran sendiri. it took me literally 2 hours mondar mandir di depan restoran. .... Ngeberaniin diri buat masuk n makan sendiri.   A kid who got very sick saking stress-nya pas musti Job Training. A kid yg would rather ate crackers at the locker room (sometimes bahkan makan di WC) dibanding musti makan di kantin sendiri. A kid yg..... berusaha break her own hand cuma supaya bisa skip training. THAT extreme loh jaman dulu... saking takutnya ketemu orang, I would rather break my hand. (of course, I didn't break my hand. I tried, but not enough guts liao.... tolol banget deh) Sekarang? My joy is when I can spen...

Im not good in saying good bye. Ada satu bapak2 disini, … namanya Pak Rusmin. Udah tua n bejenggot putih. I've only known him for a little less then 3 months. Tiap hari, dia selalu greeted me. "Pagi cantik… "   tanpa ada sedikitpun keganjenan. All I see is a genuine, sincere old man.   Hari ini pak Rusmin pensiun. … after 37 years of service. Seddiiih de liat dia beres2. Dia rapihin semua buku, … tadi gw mergokin dia lagi termenung sambil elus2 buku di gudang. Duuuh….   All the best ya pak.. Moga2 ke depannya lancar semua…. Moga2 sehat selalu….

Lagi pengen groceriiees.. besok blanja blinji aaaaaahhhhh.. either ke kem-chick atau ke foodhall senayan city.. pengen beli haaammm pengen liat2 aaaaaaaa   pengen pulaaaang

Kept thinking today's Friday. .. but it's nooottt.. huhuhuu....   lagi ga mut ngapa2in. .. cuman lagi pengen ngeblebeb aja. bleha blehe depan tipi, jadi couch potato searian... enak kali yah...   Semalem duniaku bergetar... literally. jam 1-an rasanya, tiba kebangun and perasaan kayak gempa gitu. tapi kayanya si kaga, soalnya gw liat botol aer kok aernya tenang2 aja. Ih! ga demen deh yg freaky2 gitu.. hiiiiii   ga puguh.   aaaaaaaaaa... saya mau pulaaaannngggg

Jadi kepengen nyobain naek Limo Bike deh.. just for fun aja... kayaknya enak juga. Review dari bule2 yg kemaren nyewa sih katanya enaaak banget. Itu motor piaggio baru, trus ada GPS-nya.. trus ada speed trackernya, jadi ga bisa lebi dari 60k/h trus helm-nya bersih (secara semua diwajibin pake disposable shower cap) ga mahal juga... kemaren sewa 15 jem Rp. 270,000. ... berarti kalo sekali jalan doang yaa harusnya lebi mura dari taksi. lucu juga kali yeee... koneng kinclong gitu.

Officially ga suka ama si item. sebbeeeeeelllll!!!! Huh! muka sama jamban ko masi bagusan jamban.. ama ketek masi aseman muka.. buset daah.. ngemil cuka mulu kali ! Uuh... officially dont like him!  

Let me express my freedom of expression!   I thought komunitas blogger Indonesia itu banyak orang inteleknya. tapi ternyata masih a ddaaaa aja orang2 yg amazingly ga puguh!   (walopun thankfully sebagian besar masih orang2 intelek sih)   Tgl 22 nanti ada Pesta Blogger 2008. Major sponsornya US Embassy... ternyata adddaaaa aja orang2 yg anti-amerika yg mau ngeboikot acaranya gara2 US Embassy yg sponsorin. ada yg bilang ga mau dateng lah, ada yg bilang intniya 'kok logo US Dept. of state adanya paling atas, sedangkan departemen2 indo dibawah?'   Dogh! dude!! For once... BACA!! BACA!! Kenapa diatas? ya karena emang tulisannya "SPONSORED BY!" sedangkan departemen2 dlam negeri itu cuma sekedar mendukung, alias under "SUPPORTED BY!" ga kuar duit, ga kasi2 goodies! AARRGGHH!!!   udah bagus disponsorin..   Dont get me wrong yah, gw ga super pro-amrik kok. gw juga kadang2 sebel ama orang amrik.. tapi gw juga ga anti-amrik dengan alesan2...

Dear IO Team,   I just wanted to say how proud I am of you all.  Today we pulled together and successfully ran one of Embassy Jakarta's most complex and challenging media events in memory, managing to earn tremendously positive coverage.  It was a lot hard work, and all of you put in extra hours and dealt with seemingly impossible tasks, but the results speak for themselves.  The entire Embassy was impressed by you, and I heard praise for our section from nearly every single other Embassy section today -- and especially from the Front Office.  Each and every one of you should feel the satisfaction of a job well done. Thank you for your excellent teamwork today and for making the Information Office looks so good.   Sincerely,   Tristram ----------------------   Hihihihi... a little appreciation from our boss. Something I've NEVER heard from Baskaran. Yg gw inget dari si baski cuma : "Im a fucking CFO, you know"   (yes, he did say...

Hari ini lembur rasanya. … dingiiiin… oh dingiiiinnn….   The whole family and the driver lagi di Bandung sekarang. Tak ada yg menjemputkuh. Pulang naek taksi aja deh. Lagi males haha-hehe soalnya.   LAGIAN mo pulang buaran aja, Ada dvd yg belon ditonton. … udah mulae keranjingan nyewa DVD, Daripada beli bajakan, mending sewa yg original. Tidak menyalahi aturan.   Shiieeett! Ini teh Tong Tji ko rasanya amit2 banget yee.. Puaiit-nya aneh gitu plus ada aroma2 ga jelas. Hiii.. PLUS 15 menit setelah minum langsung pengen e-e. Jangan2 teh pelangsing!?!?   Ga jelass.. sakit peruuutttt

Prepare my heart, Lord. Expand my capacity. Thank You for the chance. .... for the passion. .... for the people. By heart, by soul, that is how I want to know You. Wanna see Your love unfold, keep You as close as breath is to life. Im ready for more.

It's been a while since I looked at the album of my past. The snapshots of a memory sealed, things that make me…. me.   I remember the breathless moments, the times I swooned over words scrawled over a concave screen. Those were the times, not too long ago.. ... when I was younger, and more idealistic, less cynical, and more liberal with the abuses.   At every sudden pitstop in life, you pause to catch your breath... .. and suddenly, everything you used to think was cool becomes uncool. Even the word 'cool' is outdated now,   I prefer the medium paces we take, the steps you make when you walk not so deliberately, .. yet purposefully.   Maybe you'll strike it lucky like me, one night after a heated week of disappointments, when your spirits are let down, .. and you think you'll take a lifetime climbing up the ladder again, you take a chance-given lot, and walk into a Subway store, put on your silly uniform, and then you felt this urge to say...

I've been thinking a lot about getting a NIKON D40x. Don't know why. I wasn't even into photography. ... but the thought keep haunting me. I want one. I probably need one! Gua gila kali yah ?!?!!? #end

Im soaked! Im friggin' soaked!   Now, Americans ain't so clever are they. They should've built some sort of a canopy from gate 2 to the box gate! So in times like this, when heavy rains is pouring, someone can actually walk (or run) in peace without having to be soaked!   Gembel!

Had a conversation with Andi last night. He moved me. I can really sense the sincerity in him. It’s as if I can really feel his heart beat.   He has grown…. Finally. Yesterday wasn’t just an impulse. I somehow know that he’s taken the step up.   Thank you, Lord. .. for giving me such a wonderful man. A man who has a beautiful heart, … a man who truly love me with all he is. … and most importantly, a man who truly love You.   Regardless of all my ramblings, I am secure in his love. I am secure in his embrace. I am secure in our love.   Regardless of all his strength and weaknesses, … those are the things that make him… him.   His text was enough.  “Pooki, I love you so much. I’ll take time to nurture it. Guard it and will always appreciate our love”

Whole my life, I’ve never met anybody named Candice. I knew one or two Candices.. but I never actually met any of them in person. I met a CandAce once in Holland, but never really met any CandIce.   Today, I met one. Exactly the same spelling. Born in the month of March too. A very nice, out going, educated person. A former Metro TV weather reporter, currently an MTV VJ.   These couple of months, I’ve met some “celebrity”  from electronic and print media. .. but nobody excite me.   Guess Im just thrilled to met another Candice. Even my boss was thrilled! When she left, he came by and said : “it was really fun to meet two Candices… and guess what? She’s Chinese too!” (apparently he doesn’t know that many Chinese in the embassy compound, so he’s excited that I met another Chinese * duh *)   Anyway, on this day… Candice Eva has met Candice Anggunadi...

I need Soo Lan. I need her a lot today. I need to talk. I need to listen. I need advice. I need to cry. I need to laugh. I need to fly. I need to soar. I need to be told off. I need to be comforted. I need her now.

I don't feel like coming home. ... I really don't.   Not today.   __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com

Banyak orang menyebalkan hari ini.. Ada si item. Ada si tengil. Ada si tua. Uuurrggh!! Gua mao jadi ibu rumah tangga yg kaya raya aja!! Ga usa kerja, banyak duit, hepi2 tiap hari! huh!!

As I was telling my brother this morning, Im looking at things from the “inside” now. It changes my whole perspective of politics. I was (and still am) NEVER into politics before. .. but at the working-world Im living now, I guess I have no choice but to pay attention to politics. The bad gone worse, The worse gone worst! The worse gone even worster! I hereby declare… that I completely lost my faith in politicians. More than ever. I believe in normal human beings, Namely Mother Teresa, Oprah… even Rachel Ray and Jamie Oliver! People can say that Oprah is a New Ager, .. but heck! She does make a difference in this world. I believe in my little World-Vision community, .. who’s been so wonderfully busy trying to provide decent education and health care for people in Singkawang. I believe in my mother who takes very good care of her maids and workers. I believe in Abo who’d reach out, scraping her coins to give to pengemis. … and mumbled to herself “duuh, maap de pak.. ga ada uang kecil” w...

He is such a bitch today. kampreto!

Sometimes the darkest moments in our lives isn't when we hit rock bottom. Sometimes the darkest moments is when we hit rock bottom and realize that the abyss actually goes on forever. All I can do is offer you my hand. All you should do is decide whether or not you want to keep falling.

Barusan ada Marinir dateng. Pake seragam loreng2 coklat muda... Bodinye doong booo!!! Oh MY!!! Bawa pestol di pinggang, pake topi tentara gepeng. Those blue eyes dazzled me. Ihihihi... udah lammmaaa banget ga senyum2 ga puguh gara2 cowo. Ihihihi.... can't stop smiling. Baek pula.. ramah.. lucu.. Pas kenalan, senyum2 ga puguh lagi guaaaa (walo tangannya rada2 lembab gitu, tapi empuuukk) OooooOOO!! Namanya Robert Flanigan.. OOooooooOO!!! Cakepnyaaaaa Maap ya suamiku... ini bukan lust kok, ini cuma.... aaaah... cowo ganteeenngggg!! Uda sejem masi aja gw cengar cengir.. ... and tetep ga puguh of course... CAAAKKKEEEPPP!!!!!!!!

Saya bosaaaannn oooh boossaaaannn dan dingiiin.. ooooh! Dingiiiiiinnnnn!!

I wonder how it feels like.  To go home, see your friend,  ... and just cry without having to explain anything.  I reckon that feels great.  I want what Addison and Nay have!  *sulk sulk* It gets lonely sometimes.  Too much reasoning.  Way too much.  Having to be the 'glue' in most thing.  .... the silence sacrifice and all.  It's just one of those days...

Had an about 2 hrs meeting with Mervi and Denny yesterday.  I feel soo small talking to them deh.  They have the knowledge, and most importantly... they have the deeds.  Uaah...  Came home, set my heart right, and sekarang ngantuk.  Rada2 ga nyambung emang..  but I feel overwhelm.  Overwhelm with gratitudes. Im loved.  ... by a wonderful husband,  ... by a great friend,  ... by awesome parents, ... by a magnificent God.  Terimakasih.

You know what?  I've been watching the old episodes of Grey's Anatomy for the past few days, and its so soapish its schmaltzy blah-ness. Addicting? O yes!  ... but its just weird.  Everybody sleeps with everybody else, and everyone is dating someone they should not date, or in love with someone who they should not be in love with. Grey's Anatomy. Private Practice. Neurotic, attractive, professional women having problems staying in a proper relationship.  They were based on people who were too weak to take a risk,  ... or too comfortable being problematic.  These are girls who will find problems in a happy life, and then two minutes later spend 10 hours wondering what went wrong. Relationships should be easy, but these stupid chick flicks are brainwashing the lot of us.  Life was meant to be live it, meet a wonderful guy, marry him, have kids and take care of them and shower them (and be showered)  with lots and loottsss of love. At least my live is heading to that direction...

About a month ago, I took a risk.  A huge one, that is.  Risk.... I call it faith.  It require a great deal of trust and optimistic hopefulness. Im glad for a very supportive husband, family and friend. ... who had allowed me to grow and mature in this phase of my life.  I wasn't much of a risk taker in the past,  I used to be careful in making sure all of all possible outcomes prior to making decisions. .... but this time is different.  It's like walking into an abyss. Now is the time to wait again.  Time for faith to grow even stronger.  Trust means putting a little bit of faith into the heart, and putting aside fear,  and taking the leap away.

I tagged my mami to a salon in the neighborhood.  Krimbat and cuci rambut.  Pas bayar... you know how much??  Rp. 12,500! dua belas ribu lima ratus.  Potong juga 12,500 disitu....  And here I am, wanting to make appointment with Agus.  Rp. 300,000 for a haircut. Jadi ga enak atii.... huhuhuhu....  tip-nya Agus aja lebih gede dari harga potong rambut di May Salon. Agus uda ga di Tony n Guy lagi...  dia pindah ke FX... ga tau nama salonnya apa... tp jadi lebih mahal.. cukur ga ya?  cukur... ngga... cukur.... ngga.... cukur... ngga.... nggga.... cukur... ngga... cukur...  Ah!!

I like!  Love Addison Montgomery-Shepherd.  Love the character, love the real person. Better then Ellen Pompeo.  Better then Meredith Grey.  

Kenapa ya I can't seem to resist nasi bungkus? Something about nasi bungkus yg kayaknya gimannnnna gitu.  Pokonya, kalo liat nasi bungkus langsung kepengen. Apapun bentuk bungkusannya deh, mao yg di kerdus, di kertas coklat, di stereofoam, di daon pisang, pokonya nasi bungkus. Biar baru makan,  biar masih kenyang banget...  tetep KUDU makan... What is it with me and nasi bungkus???  *craving for nasi bungkusssss*

I used to go to the lake at night,  watched billions of sparkling stars and admiring the orion up there. And I also love staring at the clouds during the day. Have you ever heard of the Orion Constellation?  I just read about it.  It's very beautiful and it can be spotted by naked eyes,  and even better, they're visible throughout the world. I always thought that I love clouds and stargazing. Well, I do.  ... but maybe,  it weren't just the clouds nor the stars. It's the sky.  Yes. It's the sky that captured me.  The humongous sky that is.  Stars and clouds are the sugar coating. It made me think (again), what if we're just a Who and this earth is a Who Ville,  like the movie, Horton Hears a Who. Interesting, interesting....  Anyhow,  It's me and my mind on Friday night.  Waiting for my beau to come home from work.  Thank you, God for creating the sky, the stars, and the clouds. Andai saja aku ini seorang peri,  punya sayap mungil yg indah.. kukan terbang......

Iya, iya.... sabar ya naak.  Bentaaaarrr lagi... hihihi.... hahaha.... hehehe.... It's just around the corner, kikikiiiiik..  amiin daaah, amiiiiin...  gajelas gajelas gajelas gajelas gajelas euuyy..  tong tong tong...  aku menggila,  del kodel kodel... aup aup aup..

Discourage.... oh discourage.... 

Im in love with Bandung euy.  Lembang's great...  PVJ also nice. For the first time after the wedding,  last night I can truly said "this is life"...  Black Canyon's blended greentea tasted sooo nice,  love the after taste,  love the weather,  love the togetherness,  love looking at mom and dad loving each other,  love hanging out as a family  (no in laws last night, just us 4... like old times) Love it.  Ok, enough yapping....  off to bokeeerrr!!!

Im a pig!  I need to stop eating.  Seriously!! Now, PMS is suppose to be PRE-menstrual syndrome. .... right?  Then how come it's a pre AND post to me? I had my period.  I shouldn't be having anymore sweet-teeth syndrome. Why oh wwhhhyyyy I can't seem to stop eating. I ate 6 times yesterday!  Noooooooooooo

My mom was looking for my bro's thyroid X-ray (or something). She literally turned the drawers upside downs.  She made a huge mess last night.  While doing that,  she found some old photos of me, Andi, Lindy and Cissy.  She said "de, dulu kamu deket banget ya ama sisi"..  Hmm...  Yep.  Looking at the photos, no doubt that we were in a very tight friendship back then.  I think it was 2000/2001.  Time flies,  ... and people change.    We drifted apart.. I drew a line.  And quite frankly,  I dont care.  It's not like we're enemies... it's just that...  we stop talking.  And we left it that way. Ya, ya.. we still sms to wish each other happy bday and stuff.  .. but that's it.  I never bad-mouth her to my Malaysian family, but I know she did. Or does. Watever.  And I think more than anything, I was disappointed. So I drew a line.  A thick one, that is.  And Im perfectly content with that.  As far as Im concern, I only draw that thick line to two people in my li...

Two angsty teenagers in an oversized uniforms, ... zits all over, awkward and carefree.  A poem.  That's how it all started.  A poem about jasmine. The boy asked "will you take the jasmine?"  The girl answered, "yes, I will" Exactly 10 years ago. Two 17 years old who were too afraid to even hold hands.  Left alone the kissing part... :) 14 June 1998.  The day it all started....  As we look back,  it's indeed rewarding to wait.  Of course, as a couple we had our moments.  We ain't no saint.  We went through moments that every couple went through. Moments when there were only two of us in the room,  moments when we made out..  Moments of raging hormones and curiousity. Moments of temptation when sex seems so interesting. But thank God we pulled a break.  We felt it wasn't the right thing to do. We both agree that there are more to a relationship than just physical....  so we made a giant leap.  No kissing until we got married.  And mind you,  that time...

I was cleaning my blogger and found this post. Ketinggalan di draft and belon di publish.. I think I wrote this during the China earthquake several months ago. --------------------------- If only the everybody has this kinda mentality. People are rushing to donate money. Many rich people donated in millions, but no one can match Xu Chao ( 徐超 ), 60. He is a homeless in Nanjing, 1000 miles from the disaster area. He saw the news and went to donate 5 Yuan in the morning. He said people in the disaster area were worse off than him because their lives were threatened. He came back in the afternoon, donated another 100 Yuan ($14). He explained that all he had were pennies and dimes, and he didn’t want to waste volunteer workers’ time to count them, so he went to the bank to change everything he had into one big bill. This is from a man who doesn’t have money to buy food for himself. --------- Now, i n the papers, you read of riots in some rural parts of Indonesia, and impending...

Laugh laugh.. Pretending to eat.... just pretend.....   (this shows that the baby can act... she's a prodigy actress) Pengumuman, pengumumaann!!  Attention, attentiooonn!!  I am a self-proclaim manager,  and on behalf of my brother (a.k.a. the baby's father) Ayoo... ayooo.... any agencies out there who wanna 'hire' my niece * ...  *auntie komersil, mata duitan*  Contact me, leave me a message, email me....  Im open for negotiations....  Diutamakan TV commercials,  tapi kalo mau buat maen sinetron juga boleee... Or or cuma sekedar jadi model iklan di majalah pun boleee...  Tinggal nego harga ajaaa.. hauhauhua Manager's fee is 60%,  the remaining 40% will be given to the parents for future developments.  kikikikiiiiikk Ps.  The above videos are courtesy of ME and the baby's dad.  Whoever use the video without permission shall be charge a huge amount of royalty fee. * Syarat dan ketentuan berlaku

Ko gw demen banget nonton Zathura yeee?? I've watched it over and over again di HBO.  I like, I like, I like, I sooo like!! *weird.... *

I didn't just realized that we're already approaching the sixth month of 2008.  I didn't just realized that time has really flown,  and I didn't just realized that Im already past those teenage angsty years.  Yep, I past all that, even though I sometimes tend to behave like one. I was having lunch with my mother few days ago,  and I saw a bunch of kids in SMU uniforms. They're the oldest seniors at school (coz they were talking about UAS),  ... and at the verge of entering adulthood.  You've got to give credit to them for this.  But they're rather over-zealous when it comes to 'maturity'.  They're not really matured,  ... but they're so eager to exert seniority that it becomes quite hilarious. It doesn't really help that they've just got their passports to do many things,  for instance, drive, drink, go clubbing legally.  It gets even worse if they're born to better-to-do families, .... they own their own cars, and even if they d...