The Me Inside....

Seneenngg !!! Piko biar uda tua, uda ompong, uda rabun, ... tapi dia teteeeep sayang guuaaa!! Kalo menurut dia gw lagi "terancam", dia ga ragu2 buat ngumpulin kekuatan, bangun, lari, n berusaha gigit orang yg mengancam gw. Tadi lagi becandaan ama Andi. Si kutu itu mo ngangkat gw.. trus secara reflek gw jejeritan. Eeehh!! Tiba2 piko dateng, gonggong n berusaha gigit andi. Horreee!! Piko emang sayang banget ama gw. Dulu waktu muda, dia selalu belain gw... tapi secara sekarang dia uda mulai tua, jadi dia "pilih-pilih", kalo dia tau gw cuma bebecandaan, dia bakal cuma ngeliatin doang. Tapi tadi, dia berasa gw bener2 dalam bahaya. hihihi.. dia langsung gesit ngejar andi. huhauuha... marah dia. *walo udahannya langsung batuk2* Aiiih dogiii!! Aku sayaaaaang sekali sama kammmuuu. Dogs are better then man. .. at least they're genuine. Kayak kakah, dia selalu setia menanti, selalu happy biar abis diomelin gara2 maen aer. Duuh, idupku jadi penuh warna ceria karena kalian. ...

Mellow yellow jellow again. I've been doing lots of thinking lately. .... about life. .... about dreams and hopes. .... about me. And the results? hihihi, sekarang ini gw lagi terserang krisis kepercayaan sama diri sendiri, ngrasanya ga bisaaaaaaa terusss... ga bisa ini, ga bisa itu... makanya kadang suka rada stress. but you know what? ... through it all, I grew up. I may not like it, but doesn't change the fact that I did grow up. People around me juga grow up. I guess we're all changing as we get older ya? Good thingnya, walo lagi ga pede, I found myself as an optimist. Yg jelek bisa jadi bagus. Yg ga mungkin pasti jadi mungkin. Im happy to say that I am, a positive person. Yes, I wasn't always on top. I slumped, I had my low moments. ... but I always bounced back up. And each time, I believe it's getting better. Gw bersyukuuur bgt, ... bahwa hidup gw warna warni. Gw yakiin banget kalo gw n Andi sedang menapaki tangga kesuksesan. Tangga yg kita bangun diatas dasa...

Watching some crappy infotainment while typing this... What the heck is wrong with Indonesians ya? Tamara Blezynski (however u spell it) udah officially divorced kok. .. terserah dia dong mau jalan ma sapa. .. mo pacaran ama sapa kek, kan udah legal dimata hukum... lagian mantan suaminya juga no saint kok. ... bisanya cuma meng-eksploitasi anak doang *pdhal anaknya cakeeep... sayang namanya jelek* pake dibanding2in, katanya dulu pas kawin pake baju ketutup, sekarang pake baju yg terbuka.. baahh!! Peopleee!!! It's a dress she's weariing for goodness' sake!! yaaa wajar dong kalo pake dress tangan buntung. Doooh!! Mantan laki-nya juga kayak kentut ngomongnya, "yaaah, harus tau norma2 dan etiket kemusliman dong..." WHAT THE HECK ?!?!? herraan deeh.. orang2 munafik yg cuma bisa komplein. complain, complain, complain... NGACA DOOONGGG!!! Don't u have anything better to do? benahin bangsa jek, benahin moraaalll! Jgn bisanya cuma tereak2 Oulohuakbar tapi sambil vandal...

tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai tai ...

Today, I received 11 messages and 1 comment di frenster. Mereka semua bilang yg intinya sama: Your dogs are soooo cute, are they chow breed? Doeenngg!! No, no, nooooo... peopleeee! Piko dan kakah itu anjing POM! (especially piko yaaa) They're POMERANIAAANNN! Herrrann. Piko genduuuutttttt!! bikin malu anjing pom! Genduuuuttt (sekarang setelah cukur malah jadi kayak anak kambing) *tiap liat piko, pasti humming... piko is a little lamb, little lamb, little laaamb * hauhuahuaha *sigh*

Feel better today. .. puas 'ngoceh' semaleman, bobo jadi enak. Tuhan, selamat pagi. tengkyu ya.... seneng liat kakah pagi2 udah nyamperin. udah jilat2, udah manja2 minta digendong. Tuhan, tengkyu ya.... tadi temenin andi sarapan. ... seneng aja liat pria yg mulai menggemuk itu makan oatmeal. seneng liat dia kebelet boker. anugrah terbesar setelah keselamatanku. Uaaaaahhhhh, Ni ari oma balik. ... tar jem 12-an kayanya pesawatnya landing. bawa mpek2 ga ya? Kangen.... sama abo. perasaan uda lamaaa banget ga ketemu, pdhal belon seminggu. "When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a THOUSAND reasons to smile.." - anonymous

Si mood tidak baik. ... kesel kesel kesel. I wanna go faaarr. cape diatur2, cape ditunjuk2, cape dijudge gara2 gw ga punya 9-5 office hour, cape dicap jadi orang 'jahat' mulu!!! cape berasa ga berguna... cape dengerin orang2 ngomong soal duit. capeeee orang2 nyangka gw ga punya penghasilan! gw bukan cuma nadahin tangan n minta duit ke suami ko. FYI, I DO have my own incomes! Lagian, kalo MISALNYA gw ga punya penghasilan, terus kenapa? SO WHAATT ?!?!?!?!?! ... kalo my husband ga keberatan n can afford me, SO WHAT ?!?!?!? Suami gw aje ga komplain, kenapa jadi orang laen yg be-cecet-cuet? Lagian NO!!! Im not that type! Gw type orang yg ga pernah berenti berusaha! Gw bukan type orang yg bisa ongkang2 kaki dirumah n bangun jam 12 siang! Gw berenti kerja juga karena gw pengen maju. ... bukan karena gw pengen kuar masuk butik, beli designer bags and clothes. NO! Gw cukup tau diri ko.. and honestly, gw ga high maintenance kok! Gw bisa makan yg litereally di pinggir jalan bedebu, gw bis...

Sometimes, it’s not about how u feel.. … sometimes it’s about doing the right thing. Life, ... is about making choices. ... is about seeing from the 'helicopter' view. ... is about contentments and fulfillments. ... is about winning the biggest battle in our own head. Looking at what's been going on in my life, and looking at other people's life, I figured... Ignorance has sometimes barred us completely of what is real. For we cannot remember how it is.... to feel safe, yet vulnerable. .. For sometimes, we barely want to feel at all. Somewhere at the back of our head, our conscience tells us to break loose. Yet we do not have enough courage to dive underneath what is true. .... Because denial has kept us strong. We sometimes live in fear. Of having to ignore the pain.... not the scar. Of having to fall.... not the urge to soar. Well, .... time is getting old, but fear has kept us whole.. yet we wonder if we should've been broken. We still wonder if we should'v...

Craaapppp!!! I've spent like what? 20-something hours playing Harvestmoon. And last night, data was corrupted!!!!!!! Gone beibeh.. gonneee!! All goneee!! Darn it, I've just upgraded my hoe AND my watering can to 3rd level. I've just bought my third sheep. I've just expanded my house. Duke started to like me. .. and I've got a feeling that Im gonna win the doctor's heart soon! AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a sign! I need to go buy my own nintendo! Husband, I know u're as kepo as my brother is.. So, if you're reading this : It's a sign FOR YOU! Mhoakakakaaakkk *evil grin*

Stop complaining! There's more to life then just feeling sorry for urself. Okaaay, You thought that you might've hit rock bottom, eerrrr.... so what if u did? When u fall, or when someone failed you, don't just sit there and cry like a big baby, ... just GET UP and WALK AGAIN!!! - Wong Soo Lan, 1999 Kalo bahasa gw : Ya udaah, move oon. Get over it! Stop seeing life as a huge dumpster. We all had our bad moments, ... but don't let myself to cruise on that stage. move on, work on it, .... make it better. and grow up! Really, life is not all that bad. Life is a choice. Pilih pilih pilih. AND!!! Count your blessings toh yooo!! Aaarrrgghhhh!!! Stop wasting ur time.

Tuhan Yesuus, Tengkyu banget yah. ... buat semuanya. Kamu baik sekali... semuanya di kasih jalan... yakin banget semua yang boleh aku alamin bukan kebetulan... Semua udah direncanain... semua detail dalam hidupku, .... udah kamu rencanakan jauuuuh sebelum aku ada... termasuk hal kecil kayak my hagendas greentea. .... juga termasuk this passion inside. Tuhan Yesuuuus... tujuan hidupku adalah tujuanMu.. terjadilah padaku menurut perkataanMu. karena aku milikMu... ... sekarang aku sungguh mengerti arti doa itu tuhan. Aku mau terus belajar mengasihiMu... aku emang kadang a very sloow learner, tapi aku mau belajar kok. ... and I wanna be closer to You, my shepherd...=) Tuhaaan, uda lama aku ga ngerasa damai gini. Aku tau, this time round... I didn't screw up. this time round... I made you smile. Makasih yaaaa. *peluuuukk*

..... banget makan coklat. ..... banget hagendas yg grinti. ..... yg manis2 (maklum abis dapet) ..... skating ..... tutup buku n terima duit (horreee) ..... beli eriksen yg kayak punya ucok (barangnya abis lagi) ..... ketemu kornelius. ..... kentut.

I did it. I called them up today. I asked about the possibility. Tinggal tunggu kabar aja. This is my first step. Emang masi step yg keciiil bgt, tapi at least Im doing it. ... dengan hati yg benar. Im getting there. (aduuh, ujan... gw ga suka ujan di indo... I got scareedd) Anyway, jadi inget sms dari tante Rita yg masih gw simpen. Perjalanan yg jauh sekalipun dimulai dengan langkah pertama, sebab itu mulailah melangkah dan mintalah Tuhan untuk memimpin dan meluruskan langkahmu. -Proverb 3 : 6 Ya. Hari ini gw mulai melangkah. Finally... I stopped thinking and start doing. Terimakasih Tuhan.

Last night, had a deep talked with Andi. As always me, being me... mewek sesenggukan. So many things yg mau gw lakuin, tapi kebentok sama keterbatasan. I know I have the heart. ... tapi I haven't done anything about it. Belum lagi masalah gw yg berasa like a failure. Thank God for such a wonderful husband. For the first time in 9 years, I saw his heart. The heart of a great leader. The heart of a great man of God. Tuhan, makasih banget that you show urself real to me ... through him. I know I've been nagging about his ignorance, tapi last night u've opened my eyes, Lord. You showed me his capacity, You showed me what he really made of, You made me see him the way You see him. Hari ini, Im touched by the 2 emails I received. ... deeply. Udah 2 minggu ini doa gw gini, Lord, let me be a blessing for others. ... for ur glory. Aku bener2 harus stop thinking and actually start doing. Tuhaaan, tolong please please pleasee tunjukin jalannya. Give me the boldness. Grant me the cou...

We're always running ahead, Towards a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There's never time to stop, pause, or look around. ........... And realize that the real prize lies beneath your own feet. Screwing up is not an option. You might've done that a long time ago. So what do you do to make up for all the time you've lost? Do you slow down, look away, and risk falling? No you don't. You keep running. You keep running.

I need to let this out of my system. Something's bothering me. Big time. Gemes. Gemes. Gemes.

Papi sering bilang, kenapa orang2 Indo tuh susah sukses. .... kerena mereka sok tau! Mereka ga mau denger what other people has to say. Berasa tau, berasa paling bener. Belum apa2 udah bilang "alaaah, yg begituan mah ga mungkiiin" Berasa paling jago... padahal maaah, apa susahnya sih dengerin dulu? Toh ga ada yg bisa maksa. .. tapi at least wawasan jadi luas toh?? Misalnya gini : Lu pacaran sama si Anu. Trus denger dari si B katanya si Anu itu matre, Lhaa?? Instead of langsung marah2 sama si B (kesannya ga terima pacarnya dijelek2in), ga ada salahnya toh lu denger dulu? Denger aja. Ga ada yg maksa lu buat (misalnya) mutusin si Anu toh? Biar gimana toh, keputusan tetep ditangan lu sendiri. Sama halnya soal bisnis, soal whatever kepercayaan yg lu anut, soal pacar, soal beli mobil, soal apaaa ajaaa... Denger aje dulu! Kalo lu ga mau denger orang, kalo lu berasa tau segalanya, .... yaah, terima nasib aja deeh. Ga akan pernah maju jadi orang. Kl lg gini, gw besukuuuurrr banget pun...

Found these 3 types of blogger on the internet. I reckon Im number two. First. The type who blogs just because he/she know someone will read it. Therefore, he/she will stop blogging once he/she thinks that nobody read the blog. This is just his/her way to 'attract' attention to him/her. Two. The type who blogs because he/she likes to blog no matter who read it. He/she wouldn't even care if nobody reads it. Three. The type who blogs to sell things or at least to boost up sales. Ada sekitar 6 jenis lagi.. males ngetik. Ngantuk.

If ever you wanna lie to me. PLEASE be smart! Jangan sampe gw tau lu bohong ..... unless u confess! Gampang ko the rule : If u lie, at least lie smartly. Im not dumb, ya know! Bahasa kasarnya mah : KALO MAU BOHONG....... JANGAN TOLOL!!!!!!!! Simple kan?