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Menjelang Malam

Si mood tidak baik.
... kesel kesel kesel.

I wanna go faaarr.
cape diatur2,
cape ditunjuk2,
cape dijudge gara2 gw ga punya 9-5 office hour,
cape dicap jadi orang 'jahat' mulu!!!
cape berasa ga berguna...
cape dengerin orang2 ngomong soal duit.
capeeee orang2 nyangka gw ga punya penghasilan!
gw bukan cuma nadahin tangan n minta duit ke suami ko.
FYI, I DO have my own incomes!

Lagian, kalo MISALNYA gw ga punya penghasilan, terus kenapa?
SO WHAATT ?!?!?!?!?!
... kalo my husband ga keberatan n can afford me, SO WHAT ?!?!?!?
Suami gw aje ga komplain, kenapa jadi orang laen yg be-cecet-cuet?

Lagian NO!!! Im not that type!
Gw type orang yg ga pernah berenti berusaha!
Gw bukan type orang yg bisa ongkang2 kaki dirumah n bangun jam 12 siang!
Gw berenti kerja juga karena gw pengen maju.
... bukan karena gw pengen kuar masuk butik, beli designer bags and clothes.
NO!
Gw cukup tau diri ko..
and honestly, gw ga high maintenance kok!
Gw bisa makan yg litereally di pinggir jalan bedebu,
gw bisa makan di hotel bintang 5.

Im not an obnoxious spoil brat!!

Dammit, gw bukan orang jahat!!!!!!!
Just because KELIATAN-nya gw lebih galak dibanding andi,
does NOT mean that gw istri yg diktator!
Just because Andi ga pernah marah,
does NOT mean that gw ga menghormati suami!

Geez people!!
There's only so much one person can take.
There's only so frigging much!!

Yg ngejalanin hubungan ini ya gw sama Andi.
Kita bahagia kok!!! Suer!!!
Gw juga tau Andi bahagiaaaaaa!!!
Tanya aja ndiri kalo ga percaya!
Pake lie-detector kalo perlu!!!
Jadi, peopole.... just leave me aloneee!

So what kalo Im a D-type??
So what kalo emang udah dari sananya gw ini perfeksionis??
So whaaattt???

No matter what I do,
at the end, tetep aja gw yg dianggap salah.
.. tetep aja jidat gw dicap "JUDES" and "ADATNYA JELEK".

Doooh!!!
Ga semua yg keliatan mata itu yg bener.
Im not you!

Tuhaaaan,
biarin! biarin! biarriiiinnn!!!!!!!!
Malem ini kendi mo complain.
Udah lama kan aku berdiri tegak?
Udah lama kan aku jadi orang positif?
Udah lama kan aku selalu meng-encourage orang lain?
Udah lama kan aku "ada" untuk orang2 diselilingku?

Tapi Lord,
tonite....
.... just for tonight.

I promise besok aku bakal jadi orang positif lagi.
besok aku akan berdiri tegak lagi.
besok aku akan encourage orang lain lagi.
besok aku akan 'ada' lagi untuk mereka.

..... tapi bukan malam ini.

Malem ini,
biarkan aku sendiri.
..... biarkan aku marah.
..... biarkan aku lepas segala beban yg menghimpit.
..... biarkan aku pecah.
..... biarkan aku aku jadi rapuh.
..... biarkan air mata itu mengalir.

Tuhan,
ini, ambil hatiku.
... aku lagi ga mau merasa.

ini, ambil otakku,
... aku lagi ga mau mikir.

ini, ambil kekuatanku,
... aku lagi ga mau berdiri.

ini, ambil kupingku,
... aku lagi ga pengen ngedenger.

Tuhan,
Aku emang lagi pengen banget sendirian,
... tapi jangan tinggalin aku.

Tuhan Yesus,
makasih.
ditengah2 amuk hatiku,
ko mendadak ada rasa damai?
aneh.

Air mata ini masi ngalir deras,
tapi campur sama rasa haru..
ah.
Aku ga ngerti.

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