It is perhaps a monumental probability that I've simply forgotten what has kept me here.
Or evidently, what I have fought so hard for.
What wind could be so strong, it banishes hundreds of acres of oaks,
yet still ever so gentle enough to persuade even the most delicate of buds to move with, barely, an inch-long effort.
My God,
seeing kunyuk with that robe triggered something inside.
I miss her.
I know she'd worked soooo hard to be where she is now.
I miss those moments.
Though I must admit,
maybe, just maybe... Im not running for the same dream anymore.
The passion still there,
... it's just become a smaller part of me.
Could I have waited this long,
and demolished five full years of emotional barricade?
Nah.
I've walked too far to even think of steeping back.
What faith could have, so morbidly, left my judgement impaired?
The first scar may be the deepest,
but a scar is a scar.
... and one left to bleed without stitches is bound to come undone.
Tapi guess what?
Im healed.
Therapy was needed, but the point is.. Im healed.
Some days,
I strive to outwit the very force that holds me together.
Because I'd also like to know what it feels like to be free.
To be care-less, to live without dreams.
To just, go with the flow.
This is not one of those days.
As much as I really wanna have what kunyuk has,
... Im at peace.
My time will come kok.
Gua yakiiiin without a slightest doubt.
Im still under process.
On the other notes,
we human has all the tendencies to be cocky.
... to let pride takes control...
I don't want that.
If the pain is needed to get Andi and I to our new Jerusalem,
then let it be.
And if the burden is needed to keep us humble,
then let these stones weigh us down.
... so we shall not forget how to reach out.
Langit biru itu masih ada.
Rumput ijo itu juga masih ada.
I just need to go to where they are.
Life,
I love you.
I do.
Or evidently, what I have fought so hard for.
What wind could be so strong, it banishes hundreds of acres of oaks,
yet still ever so gentle enough to persuade even the most delicate of buds to move with, barely, an inch-long effort.
My God,
seeing kunyuk with that robe triggered something inside.
I miss her.
I know she'd worked soooo hard to be where she is now.
I miss those moments.
Though I must admit,
maybe, just maybe... Im not running for the same dream anymore.
The passion still there,
... it's just become a smaller part of me.
Could I have waited this long,
and demolished five full years of emotional barricade?
Nah.
I've walked too far to even think of steeping back.
What faith could have, so morbidly, left my judgement impaired?
The first scar may be the deepest,
but a scar is a scar.
... and one left to bleed without stitches is bound to come undone.
Tapi guess what?
Im healed.
Therapy was needed, but the point is.. Im healed.
Some days,
I strive to outwit the very force that holds me together.
Because I'd also like to know what it feels like to be free.
To be care-less, to live without dreams.
To just, go with the flow.
This is not one of those days.
As much as I really wanna have what kunyuk has,
... Im at peace.
My time will come kok.
Gua yakiiiin without a slightest doubt.
Im still under process.
On the other notes,
we human has all the tendencies to be cocky.
... to let pride takes control...
I don't want that.
If the pain is needed to get Andi and I to our new Jerusalem,
then let it be.
And if the burden is needed to keep us humble,
then let these stones weigh us down.
... so we shall not forget how to reach out.
Langit biru itu masih ada.
Rumput ijo itu juga masih ada.
I just need to go to where they are.
Life,
I love you.
I do.
Comments