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The Ocean of My Mind

Hatiku, terjaga aman...
dalam kelembutanMu, Bapa.

Hari ini been feeling numb the whole day.
Things aren't really that great.
... but through the eyes of faith, I wanna learn to see.

At least life has been gentler to me then it is to Sharon.
Adrian is still unconscious till today.
Must have been really tough on the family.

On the other hand,
mom... please, please get well soon.

I've never, ever- say this verbally nor even jot it down...
My biggest fear since I was a child is this :
Gw takut pimi pass away.

These few years, I've been praying.
Doa gw gini,
Tuhan, tolong kasih kendi kesempetan.
Kesempetan buat ngebahagia'in papi mami financially.
Really pray for good health, umur panjang buat pimi.
Juga tolong pelihara rasa cinta diantara mereka.

Please give me that chance,
buat bawa pimi jalan2 ke Cina,
buat pay off whatever needs to be paid,
buat bikin mereka bangga.
Pengen beliin mereka apartement...
Most of all, pengen bisa bawa mereka idup diluar.

Please Tuhan, kasih kesempetan itu.
Please, jangan panggil mereka before I do those things for them.
Please.
That's the least I can do for them.

When one day you call them home,
I wanna be able to let them go with inner peace.
... knowing that they've lived a good life.

I love them so very much.

Dear God,

Do You know that I've been feeling useless lately?
I went all the way to NZ, spent literally hundreds of million rupiah,
.... only to come home with nothing.

Circumstances knocked me down Lord.
I've done all I could.
I really did.
You know how hard I've tried.

I've put all my might into it God.

Seeing my mom in so much pain this morning really break my heart.
I haven't done anything for her.
Tuhan, please. Please.

Kenapa luka itu ga pernah sembuh?
Lord, Im not blaming you.
Really Im not.
You don't owe me anything.
You are God.... and Im gonna let you be.
Malem ini, I just need u to be here with me.

Funny.
Tonite, I really can't trace your hand.
... but I can really feel you heart.
I know that you know, that my heart is aching.
and I know that you're trying ur best to comfort me.

I can feel your heart beating, close to mine.
and Im thanking you for that.

I don't understand.
Im confuse.
Im scared.

In the midst of all those feelings,
You said "I know. I understand.... stay close, it's gonna be alright"

Well, good night my friend.
I know that you are still a sovereign God.
I will close my eyes and let you take me to that blue sky.
Take me higher, untill I see beyond the storms.

As I wrote this letter to you,
somehow I feel much better.

Thanks for watching over me.

Cheers,
Me.

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