Skip to main content
ABOUT ME

Why is it suddenly my responsibility?
Why does he have to put so much pressure on me?

It was my dream, by the way.
Dream. Not Obligation.

Why does he have to imply that if anything... anything at all goes wrong,
... then it is my fault.

I don't have to tell him everything.
He doesn't have to know how much tears I've shed over this matter.
He doesn't have to know how many restless night I've been (still going) through.
He doesn't have to know that I want this more than anything.
He doesn't have to know that I almost gave up my faith.
He doesn't have to know that I've fought so hard all these times.
He doesn't have to know that I feel so alone most of the times.
He doesn't have to know that I've used all my strength just to keep my sanity.
He doesn't have to know that I wished I can scream out my lungs.
He doesn't have to know that I'd rather DIE then not being able to breakthrough.
He doesn't have to know that these few days, I really really wish that I'd die.
He doesn't have to know that I don't see a point of living anymore.

No, he doesn't have to know those things.
Nobody needs to know the war I've had in my head.
Nobody.

Litereally.No.Body.

Everybody says they care.
Everybody says they'd be there for me.
Ya. so they say.

.... they only say.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bucket List

Yep. Been hearing a lot about people dropped dead suddenly. Mulai dari si Adjie Masaid, babenya si Joshua, then just now Emma's friend juga Dadaism died of heart attack. She was 29 years old, just got ,arrayed last October. Life is so fragile. That's why I really hate Andi each time I have to remind him over and over again about healthy lifestyle. Anyway, decided to make a bucket list for myself. 1. Back to NZ 2. Sky dive 3. Vacation to Russia 4. Having more than enough funds for Onya to pursue her degree in England, Oxford University preferably :) 5. Ngeliat Andi punya bodi keren 6. Buying a house for my parents 7. Karet tengsin dijual Hmmm....... Belon kepikiran yg lawn. Nanti di update lg deh

Pippy

We have a new addition in the family. We adopted a Jack Russell from SPCA.  Kenapa anjing? Karena seumur idup gua, for as long as I can remember, gua selalu punya anjing. Bukan cuma sekedar "miara" loh, tapi yg bener2 part of the family.  Yg paling membekas itu tentu aja Piko ama Picca my last two dogs.  Kakah died when I was about 5 months pregnant with Onya. Jadi Onya sama sekali ga sempet ketemu my dogs.  Makin kesini gw makin yakin, kalo animals play an important role in kids life (at least di idup gw lah). They learn about responsibility, caring and most importantly compassion. I wanna give a chance buat Onya ngerasain apa yg gw rasain ke Piko n Kakah. The gift of unconditional friendship they gave... And how u learn to love them too.  Kenapa adopt? Karena saya ini agak2 idealis tapi realistis. I love animals. Dogs especially.  Idealis karena gw mau do the right thing YG GW BISA. Realistis karena, as much I want to.... Gw ga akan sanggup kl disuru jadi...

Another Random Post

It is perhaps a monumental probability that I've simply forgotten what has kept me here. Or evidently, what I have fought so hard for. What wind could be so strong, it banishes hundreds of acres of oaks, yet still ever so gentle enough to persuade even the most delicate of buds to move with, barely, an inch-long effort. My God, seeing kunyuk with that robe triggered something inside. I miss her. I know she'd worked soooo hard to be where she is now. I miss those moments. Though I must admit, maybe, just maybe... Im not running for the same dream anymore. The passion still there, ... it's just become a smaller part of me. Could I have waited this long, and demolished five full years of emotional barricade? Nah. I've walked too far to even think of steeping back. What faith could have, so morbidly, left my judgement impaired? The first scar may be the deepest, but a scar is a scar. ... and one left to bleed without stitches is bound to come undone. Tapi guess what? Im hea...