Skip to main content

Fears....

Wise person once said that if you feel scared,
writing down your fears will turn them into conceptual words,
and then when you look at them straight in the eye,
they'll slowly fade away as figments of your imagination,
... allowing you to emerge renewed, strong and courageous.

Im almost 33 weeks pregnant.
My estimated delivery date is 4-5 weeks away and pardon me, but I am scared stiff!

Therefore, Im going to do what that wise person said,
... and put down a list of things that I'm fearful of:

• That I cant take the pain and I'll pass out.
• That baby's head is too big for the birth canal and I have to go into a C-section.
• That the sight of the epidural needle, should I have to take one, will make me pass out
• That Im halfway from somewhere when birth contractions hit me
• That Im at the malls when my water breaks and create shameful drama!
• That Im in the office when my water breaks
• That I go beyond 40 weeks
• That baby doesn't want to drink my milk
• That I dont have milk coming out of my boops!
• That baby cries a lot at night (inevitable kayanya)
• That I'll look hideous during delivery and Andi takes a photo of me and facebooks it
• That I'll poop during the delivery, and it hits the doctor's face (this is a real, real fear, ok?)
• That I'll tear badly
• That my cervix takes forever to dilate
• That baby looks like a Na'vi in Avatar (choy!!!)

Let me see.
…...
...........
I still feel scared!!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bucket List

Yep. Been hearing a lot about people dropped dead suddenly. Mulai dari si Adjie Masaid, babenya si Joshua, then just now Emma's friend juga Dadaism died of heart attack. She was 29 years old, just got ,arrayed last October. Life is so fragile. That's why I really hate Andi each time I have to remind him over and over again about healthy lifestyle. Anyway, decided to make a bucket list for myself. 1. Back to NZ 2. Sky dive 3. Vacation to Russia 4. Having more than enough funds for Onya to pursue her degree in England, Oxford University preferably :) 5. Ngeliat Andi punya bodi keren 6. Buying a house for my parents 7. Karet tengsin dijual Hmmm....... Belon kepikiran yg lawn. Nanti di update lg deh
Post a Comment
Read more

Pippy

We have a new addition in the family. We adopted a Jack Russell from SPCA.  Kenapa anjing? Karena seumur idup gua, for as long as I can remember, gua selalu punya anjing. Bukan cuma sekedar "miara" loh, tapi yg bener2 part of the family.  Yg paling membekas itu tentu aja Piko ama Picca my last two dogs.  Kakah died when I was about 5 months pregnant with Onya. Jadi Onya sama sekali ga sempet ketemu my dogs.  Makin kesini gw makin yakin, kalo animals play an important role in kids life (at least di idup gw lah). They learn about responsibility, caring and most importantly compassion. I wanna give a chance buat Onya ngerasain apa yg gw rasain ke Piko n Kakah. The gift of unconditional friendship they gave... And how u learn to love them too.  Kenapa adopt? Karena saya ini agak2 idealis tapi realistis. I love animals. Dogs especially.  Idealis karena gw mau do the right thing YG GW BISA. Realistis karena, as much I want to.... Gw ga akan sanggup kl disuru jadi...
4 comments
Read more

Another Random Post

It is perhaps a monumental probability that I've simply forgotten what has kept me here. Or evidently, what I have fought so hard for. What wind could be so strong, it banishes hundreds of acres of oaks, yet still ever so gentle enough to persuade even the most delicate of buds to move with, barely, an inch-long effort. My God, seeing kunyuk with that robe triggered something inside. I miss her. I know she'd worked soooo hard to be where she is now. I miss those moments. Though I must admit, maybe, just maybe... Im not running for the same dream anymore. The passion still there, ... it's just become a smaller part of me. Could I have waited this long, and demolished five full years of emotional barricade? Nah. I've walked too far to even think of steeping back. What faith could have, so morbidly, left my judgement impaired? The first scar may be the deepest, but a scar is a scar. ... and one left to bleed without stitches is bound to come undone. Tapi guess what? Im hea...
Post a Comment
Read more