The last couple of weeks there're too much things going on with me.
My body and mind is definitely telling me something.
As hard as it was for me to admit, but there are just too much pressure on me at this moment.
This is not a post about not being grateful nor complaint. This is me being honest to myself. Nothing more, and nothing less.
I need to stop beating myself up. Need to wind down n relax a bit.... I put too much expectation on myself.
I've always believed that there is a reason for everything. The reason why Im feeling what Im feeling now is probably to humble me. I'm a little fish in a big pond.
For those who knew my story, they'd know that I've always came on top of my situation.
But this time, I feel like Im drawning.
Let me live in my past glory for a while. I may not have a degree, but in terms of job- I've always been favoured. God's been so good. I went from one height to another height. I've got a once-in-a-lifetime experience... I mean, who would've thought that I'd be seeing the real Air Force One? Who would've thought I'd had a personal encounter with THE Hillary Clinton, seeing eye-to-eye? Who would've thought I'll be in a motorcade escorting the Secretary of State? Who would've thought that I was part of Obama's panitia penyambutan pas dia ke Indo taun 2010?
I've got into very good companies. No kidding. I got into British Embassy (though I rejected the offer), U.S. Embassy, USAID, Ministry of Business, Innovation, and Employment, Immigration New Zealand, and now Wellington Hospital who runs 3 District Health Boards in the region of Wellington, Hutt and Wairarapa.
Seriously, who am I to have such opportunities?
Maybe Im being too cocky without me even realising it. Maybe this is just a soft reminder that I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for God's mercy on me.
I've got sooo much things to learn. I need to grow my heart. Need to enlarge its capacity.
I thought I have all the answers, but the truth of the matter is... Lately, I've been trying to make it on my own. I failed. Quite miserably, frankly.
Things are really starting to get on top of me.
This is a wake up call for me. Not to rely on my own understanding. Musti banyak belajar, musti bisa manage my stress level. Karena this is a whole new level of stress. Kalo dulu paling banter gw gatel2 eksim kalo stress, skrg udah sampe panic attack and rapid heart rate. Serrraammmm.
Anyway, will find out tomorrow whether this palpitations is really stress related or there is more to it that needs attention.
Was at work since 7 am this morning *planning to leave before 3 today* - felt 2 earthquakes in less than an hour! Secont one was kinda big. It rattled my whole desk! Come on, Earth..... Settle down!
My building may be old, but this is one of the safest building in the whole NZ. They guarantee it is 200% safe. So I guess that's a good thing. Ha!
Our home juga safe, well Andi malah cuma berasa kayak si Pippy lagi jalan aja.
Weather wise, not looking too good today. Wind gust 140km/hr. Welcome to Wellington! It's about time juga sih. Wet winter is suppose to arrive by now, tp sampe hari ini tadi pagi suhu masih 16° aje. Kinda late this year.
What else.... What else....
Relationship with Andi has been really good lately. We feel that we understand each other more and more.
After almost a decade of marriage and 8 years courtship- we're glad that we still have the spark bright and strong.
We're not the most romantic couple - ngomong aja elu gueee hahaha, but Im glad that we are "real". There are practically no secrets between us.
Especially now that Im working full time, there are quite a number of adjustments. I must say that Im not surprise that we manage everthing well.
He has always been a hands-on dad since day 1. Walo awal2-nya dia gendong Onya kayak gendong karung beras.... Tp overtime, he learns. Gw juga banyak belajar.
Parenting is not easy.
Onya juga adjusting really well with the changes around the house. She's very independent lately, really smart beyond her years.
Im so grateful she grows really well. Healthy, smart and very good mannered!
Kemarenan school holiday 2 minggu, there were days dia ikut Andi ke kantor.... Ofcoz dia ga ikut ke kantor gw, well gw kerja di hospital gituu... Kl ga perlu2 banget ga bakal deh I let my kid step into hospital ground.
Anyway, dia ikut Andi ke kantor bukan cuma 1-2 jam loh... Tp literally hours! And for a 5,5 years old... Wow dia sangat2 well behaved. Andi bahkan bisa meeting2 segala. Onya ga ganggu sama sekali, dia asik colouring or play with her ponies.
Everybody likes her.
I'm so proud of her.
Comments