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Kacau Lagi

This season of my life is about my health. That's why I blogged a lot about it. It's bothering me, and I guess blogging about it is part of my coping mechanism as I dont really talk about it. 

So I came down with a cold. Geez, it's been ageess since I last had one. See, before April, my health was pretty much impeccable. I didn't even get cold that often. The last time I got sick was 2013.

Tapi after April things are starting to crumble. 

Now I having a cold. Stuffy nose, a bit of cough and fever. I feel miserable. Still went to work though. 

Si heart rate gimana? Well even in "normal" people, the heart rate will speed up when u have fever. So in my case, of course it went up even higher *baru tau Apple watch bisa di screenshot*


162 is my RESTING heart rate. Kebayang ga kalo gw sekarang maen tenis or jogging? Gw rasa bisa mati beneran kali. 
How am I feeling? Mati rasa. 

Gw dah haha hehe aja deh pas liat. Pasrah. Ya mo gimana lagi abisan? Ini sampe leher, kuping, jidat tuh kaya berasa banget pulse nya dar der dor dar der dor. 

Rasanya tuh pengeenn bisa literally rip my heart out, trus taro dulu di meja. Besok baru pake lagi. Cappeeee.... gua capppeeeeeeeeeeee. 

Ngeluh aje lu. Kaga coong! Bukannya ngeluuuh! Coba ajee dese lari2 terus ga brenti2 sampe heart rate dese segini. For weeks!!! Cobain deeehh gimana rasanya. Mongkiii. It's very uncomfortable and I dont know what to do with it! Beta blocker doesn't seem to help anymore lately.

Tempteedd banget buat nambahin dosis sendiri. Tapi tar yg ada si liver yg berulah. Udalah, pasrah aja skrg mah. Toh minggu depan udah ketemu Darren lagi. Eh ngga ding, holter doangan. 

Kesel. Badan pada sakit. Mual. Batuk.
Meriang, ngantuk, cape tapi ga merem2.
Ya udah, kuar kamar lagi deh. Nonton aja. Dingin ya... ya iyalah, meriang gini. Stupid. 
-------------

Back ke kamar, andi bobo di kamar Onya. Biar ga pada ketepa yaaa. Had a couple panadols. Fever's down for now. Let me try to sleep. 

If only the palpitations would just stop. 
It's too loud and i can feel every veins palpitating. Not a pleasant feeling. Ah dear God. Can You make it stop. 
At this point of time I dont care if my heart stop beating all together. It's just so exhausting. Bener deh, im tired. Super tired. I just want this to end. 

My tummy sore, my arms sore, my flank sore, almost everything's sore. And i just wanna sleeeppp
-----------//--------------

I did finally sleep last night. Think I had a good 4 hours straight. 4 hours straight is a luxury lately. 

Feeling much better now. Heart rate dropped to 138 bpm. Not too bad considering Im still a bit feverish. 

Weather looks really good today, but I dont think I'll be going out. Kid went swimming this morning. Her last lesson of this term. She graduated to Stingray. Can't believe the same girl who was sooooo afraid of getting her face wet, is now thriving in swimming. Proud. 

Toodles.
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