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Another Thought

Secara ya urusan sepsis ini lagi "hits" banget in my life.... and the fact that Im pretty much house-arrest except for hospital appointments.... got my brain think really hard. 

What are the odds?

I survived sepsis 3x in 8 months! The last one whisked me straight to ICU. 

Psychologically, it affected me. Grateful? Yes. But I cant shake the feeling that it's gonna get me oneday.
How many times can you dodge a bullet?
Feel like it's lurking and ready to pounce anytime.  
Geez, I never thought I'd be struggling over this. 

The husband. 
I think seeing me being critical stirred something in him. 

We had lunch together today while waiting for my follow up check up and blood test... the way he looked at me was..... different. Somehow. 

I always knew he loved me. But this time is different. It's as if he appreciate every moment. Seeing him being "vulnarable" was a painful sight. I can see he was so scared of losing me. 
I kept telling him that Im really sorry I put him through this. Im sorry he had to see me being critical, in and out of consciousness. Im sorry I scared him. The thought of him having to raise Onya alone was painful.

I know, I know.... baru juga kemarenan gw komplen dia terlalu cuek... but I reckon it was like a wake up call. For him.... and for me too. 

He asked me "you've been given another chance.... how does that feel?"

Told him Im still trying to take it in. I guess it hasn't really sink in. 
Im still trying to cope, honestly. 

Im allergic to the waterproof dressings. My skin is peeling off around the surgical area. It's itchy and sore. My PICC line is annoyingly itchy too. Both my arms are so uncomfortable right now. 

The District Nurse came everyday for about an hour to administer the IV antibiotic, check the PICC line, change the dressings, etc. 
That's gonna be my new routines for the next 4 weeks. I dont like it. 

I havent been sleeping well either. So I guess I haven't really have the "time" to think about my "second (third?) chance.

Aaarrgghh!! My arms are sooo uncomfortable!!!! 😭😭
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