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My Pain....

It's official.
... the itch came back.

And the top ten reasons would be :
One, I need my space.
Two, I need my space.
Three, I need my space.
Four, I need my space.
Six, I need my space.
Seven, I need my space.
Eight, I need my space.
Nine, I need my space.
Ten, I need my space ... please...

I was on the verge of breaking down this afternoon.
Can't you just let me run my own life?
I dont have to justify myself in watsoever way.

Tears keep welling up in the darkness behind my eyelids, stinging pools with warm edges that cut and scald the sides of my eyes.

So here I am now, trying to collect myself enough...
but sitting hunched over my laptop is probably the most un-ergonomic position to type in.
It hurts my leg.

I don't know what's wrong, I don't know why it's like that.
I ... I don't understand why there is so much trapped inside me,
things that I don't seem to know about, never acknowledged,
..... or have subconsciously pushed down.

Why am I like that? Nothing traumatic has happened.
From the outside, from anyone's point of view... I lead a normal life.
Work, malls, read, watch movies, listen to music, eating out.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I cannot even look to my life to understand why I am feeling like this,
... to discover where this wellspring of tears is hidden.

I wished I can say I've been fucked up or you know, there was something catastrophic in my life that made me like that.
And what a time to be saying this, but I'm lost.
.... I'm lost in so many ways,
I don't even know how to hold on to the different pieces and keep them together.

The last time this happened, I had the luxury of being a student and lots of time to myself.
Not anymore.
The world I live in doesn't have the time nor space anymore.

At this very moment, I just wish people would just go away and leave me alone.
Just give me some space, and let me do my own stuff.
It's not that I dont appreciate all the advices,
but it's just that I really need my space.
Im tired of it.

Tired of people's judgement,
You dont know me.
... and I dont have to tell you anything.
Im not obligated to tell anybody abt my life.

I just wish that I'd get outta here soon.
This thing is eating me inside out.

YOU DONT KNOW ME, SO STOP JUDGING ME.

God, life is so... so unfair.
my lungs is about to burst out.
please.... I just need some space.
please.
Leave me alone for a while.

They don't know me at all, Lord.
They dont know me.
.... why do I have to be the bad one all the time sih?
They dont know what Im going through, and I dont have to tell them.
Mereka ga tau!

I need to get out of this country.
That's about the only thing that will keep my sanity.
That's the only thing that can give me some space.

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