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Isn’t it funny? This feeling inside…

It's a silent trembling each time I hear the words being spoken,
and then I wonder why is it that resentment seems to creep into my heart.

It's the knowledge that while you keep saying
'I don't care if people bother about me or not'
and actually feel as if you mean it,
but when you keep looking for caring words from the person who claims to love you,
but gets nothing in return… then you start to wonder.

Why am I so weak?

I don't like being weak.
I want to be strong.
but hey, what was I expecting?
I meant it when I said it didn't matter.

But I guess, it matters after all.
So when the mirror came up before me, why am I so upset?
I said it didn't matter, but right now,
those feelings are roaring back at me.

Denial, my dear girl,
it's denial that has placed you here,
and so, now,
what are you going to do about it?

Im getting out of here.
I can't wait to get outta here.
You know wat?
Even Aceh sounds good.
I should've sent my CV there.

In her eyes,
it doesn't matter if I stressed out.
... but it's sooo totally a huge matter if he stressed out?

No matter how I tried,
no matter how fucking hard I tried,
I can NEVER be her star.
I can NEVER be able to pleased her.

Pleasing her is simply impossible.

"semua sama..."
Yea right.
Sama my ass.
Action speaks louder then words.

You know what?
Im sick of this game.
Im done.

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