Isn’t it funny? This feeling inside…

It's a silent trembling each time I hear the words being spoken,
and then I wonder why is it that resentment seems to creep into my heart.

It's the knowledge that while you keep saying
'I don't care if people bother about me or not'
and actually feel as if you mean it,
but when you keep looking for caring words from the person who claims to love you,
but gets nothing in return… then you start to wonder.

Why am I so weak?

I don't like being weak.
I want to be strong.
but hey, what was I expecting?
I meant it when I said it didn't matter.

…

But I guess, it matters after all.
So when the mirror came up before me, why am I so upset?
I said it didn't matter, but right now,
those feelings are roaring back at me.

Denial, my dear girl,
it's denial that has placed you here,
and so, now,
what are you going to do about it?

Im getting out of here.
I can't wait to get outta here.
You know wat?
Even Aceh sounds good.
I should've sent my CV there.

In her eyes,
it doesn't matter if I stressed out.
... but it's sooo totally a huge matter if he stressed out?

No matter how I tried,
no matter how fucking hard I tried,
I can NEVER be her star.
I can NEVER be able to pleased her.

Pleasing her is simply impossible.

"semua sama..."
Yea right.
Sama my ass.
Action speaks louder then words.

You know what?
Im sick of this game.
Im done.

Comments

Bucket List

Yep. Been hearing a lot about people dropped dead suddenly. Mulai dari si Adjie Masaid, babenya si Joshua, then just now Emma's friend juga Dadaism died of heart attack. She was 29 years old, just got ,arrayed last October. Life is so fragile. That's why I really hate Andi each time I have to remind him over and over again about healthy lifestyle. Anyway, decided to make a bucket list for myself. 1. Back to NZ 2. Sky dive 3. Vacation to Russia 4. Having more than enough funds for Onya to pursue her degree in England, Oxford University preferably :) 5. Ngeliat Andi punya bodi keren 6. Buying a house for my parents 7. Karet tengsin dijual Hmmm....... Belon kepikiran yg lawn. Nanti di update lg deh

Pippy

We have a new addition in the family. We adopted a Jack Russell from SPCA. Kenapa anjing? Karena seumur idup gua, for as long as I can remember, gua selalu punya anjing. Bukan cuma sekedar "miara" loh, tapi yg bener2 part of the family. Yg paling membekas itu tentu aja Piko ama Picca my last two dogs. Kakah died when I was about 5 months pregnant with Onya. Jadi Onya sama sekali ga sempet ketemu my dogs. Makin kesini gw makin yakin, kalo animals play an important role in kids life (at least di idup gw lah). They learn about responsibility, caring and most importantly compassion. I wanna give a chance buat Onya ngerasain apa yg gw rasain ke Piko n Kakah. The gift of unconditional friendship they gave... And how u learn to love them too. Kenapa adopt? Karena saya ini agak2 idealis tapi realistis. I love animals. Dogs especially. Idealis karena gw mau do the right thing YG GW BISA. Realistis karena, as much I want to.... Gw ga akan sanggup kl disuru jadi...

Another Random Post

It is perhaps a monumental probability that I've simply forgotten what has kept me here. Or evidently, what I have fought so hard for. What wind could be so strong, it banishes hundreds of acres of oaks, yet still ever so gentle enough to persuade even the most delicate of buds to move with, barely, an inch-long effort. My God, seeing kunyuk with that robe triggered something inside. I miss her. I know she'd worked soooo hard to be where she is now. I miss those moments. Though I must admit, maybe, just maybe... Im not running for the same dream anymore. The passion still there, ... it's just become a smaller part of me. Could I have waited this long, and demolished five full years of emotional barricade? Nah. I've walked too far to even think of steeping back. What faith could have, so morbidly, left my judgement impaired? The first scar may be the deepest, but a scar is a scar. ... and one left to bleed without stitches is bound to come undone. Tapi guess what? Im hea...

The Me Inside....

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