Skip to main content

Dear Myself,

I find myself growing more and more contemplative as the years pass.
I think its generally a good thing,
because being in contemplation forces you to look deep within.
And somehow, rattle up all those old skeletons in hidden closets
(God knows, I have many, many of those).

Outward, I guess, I am a picture of joy, bliss, perfect contentment,
but like many... I am broken, imperfect.

I used to think it was difficult to be broken.
In the whispers of the late night,
I would silently question the Universe, 'Why, why is it like this?'
... even while knowing very well that everybody has their own struggle, own yellow brick road journey to take.

And then I would drift off to sleep,
in the land where I would meet the maker in pockets of subconsciousness,
usually awakening in the mornings with a sense of rejuvenation
(sleep does wonders like that),
... feeling ready to overcome the day.

Except the day isn't always overcome,
rather... it overcomes me,
with all the elements of life.

We all live the dream of the Great Dreamer.
Atleast, I am.

Im done being angry.
I am done.

I was the greatest oxymoron dwelling on my past glory,
collectively reflecting in a state of confusion that verbalizes the pain,
this desire to become satiated in comforted pleasure.

In the silence,
as I understand that my future is being unfold one at a time,
... I found peace.

Peace in knowing that I've put my hopes and dreams in the right hands.
I believe in Jesus and that He's watching over us.

Discounting the atrocities conducted in His name,
... counting the beauty of the inspired works made in His name.

... that in the process of destruction,
in the flames of demolition,
there is the hope of rebirth,
that the phoenix will arise,
and then, we can start over.

Dont we all want peace on earth after all?

Contemplation, it keeps me intact.
It reminds me, that this life..
.... is worth it.

So, I will keep the dream.
Vibrant and alive.
:)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Bucket List

Yep. Been hearing a lot about people dropped dead suddenly. Mulai dari si Adjie Masaid, babenya si Joshua, then just now Emma's friend juga Dadaism died of heart attack. She was 29 years old, just got ,arrayed last October. Life is so fragile. That's why I really hate Andi each time I have to remind him over and over again about healthy lifestyle. Anyway, decided to make a bucket list for myself. 1. Back to NZ 2. Sky dive 3. Vacation to Russia 4. Having more than enough funds for Onya to pursue her degree in England, Oxford University preferably :) 5. Ngeliat Andi punya bodi keren 6. Buying a house for my parents 7. Karet tengsin dijual Hmmm....... Belon kepikiran yg lawn. Nanti di update lg deh

Lavender and Butterfly

My very first (and probably my last) tattoo. Why lavender ?  Because I love the smell.  I love the colour.  Lavender is pretty much the only plant that stays alive in my garden. It thrives in pretty much any weather with very little care. It lives with a big bunch of other lavenders but it can also lives on its own little bundle. It shows strength, and grace. Butterfly means beauty. Not just superficial beauty... but beauty after a storm. Beauty that was earned.  Like, after it went through struggles from a cocoon. Plus, you see butterfly (normally) in a great weather. Adds the beauty to the surroundings, like a balance in the universe.  Psalm 23:6 , is what I really resonate in my life.  That no matter what, no matter where, no matter how many bad decisions I’ve made.... God’s goodness and mercy is always with me. That I’m okay. That the God who made the universe loves me still.  That regardless how fucked up I am, His goodness and mercy is always wi...

A Wife's Heart

Postingan kali ini buat Andi. Feel so blessed beyond words punya suami kaya beliau. Walo banyak rese n nyebelinnya juga. He works really hard. I mean REALLY hard. I know I've complained about him being too busy, but lately he changed. Yes, dia masih sibuk banget di kantor. Yes, dia masih suka 'nyetrap' gw di mobil suru tunggu. Tapi I know that family is his top priority. The house is almost done. Andi spent hours last Sat and Sun buat bebersih rumah. Gw ga boleh ikut. "masih debuan banget" - gitu katanya. He knows Im allergic to dust and frankly, what can a pregnant woman possibly do? Ga mungkin juga kan gw ngangkat2 furniture. Naek tangga aja suka engap. Dapet laporan dari Otoy, Andi ngangkat2 barang ampe mukanya merah, ampe kringetan ngeces2... Gw tau dia pasti cape banget. Tapi begitu pulang he brought nothing but his big, warm smile. "Udah. Nanti gw sekali lagi kesana, finalize bersih2 - then you can come. Tuh gw beliin kelapa, mau diminum sekarang ga?...