Ga tau kenapa hari ini very emotional.
Keingetan MS nangis dari siang.
Barusan denger pidato Jokowi nangis lagi.
Liat klip Ahok nangis.
I think those people moved me.
Orang2 bener dengan perjuangan yg beda.
Orang2 yang punya “tempat” di bumi ini.
Orang2 yang dibutuhin dunia.
Maybe, maybe Im at the lowest point of my mentality.
I dont feel like I belong.
I honestly feel useless. Crippled.
I dont even know how or where to begin.
Konsep dunia di mata gw jadi blur.
Gw takut. Gw kuatir.
Dan gw cape.
Bacain blog kok kayanya belakangan isinya bolak balik soal health.
Uring2-an.
Dari kacamata manusia, tentu aja uring2-an itu amat dimengerti dan dimaklumi.
Badan ga enak ya gimana ga nguing2 coba.
Sebenernya gw mellow2 begini awalnya kemaren.
District nurse dateng, trus biasalah... nanya “how are you?”
Gw jawab Im good, thanks.
Terus pas Andi sama Onya maen dikamar, it was just me and her.
The nurse looked at me straight in the eye and said,
“No, really. How are you really?"
A total stranger (dia bukan my usual nurse karena kalo weekend biasanya yg dateng casual nurse).
Gw setengah mati nahan aer mata.
At the end gw cuma bilang... I haven’t been myself for a long time.
Dan dia bilang gw kudu sabar.
That im gonna get better.
Dia bilang mungkin it’s hard for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But keep walking... you’ll see it. And you’ll get there eventually.
Sumpah kalo ga inget dia itu total stranger I would’ve broken down and cried.
It’s been a lonely journey.
And I know Im not the easiest person to deal with.
Tapi sebenernya Im not that difficult kok.
I just need someone who listen.
Who genuinely listen tanpa ada “keharusan”.
Someone who would just be there tanpa disuruh or diminta.
I feel like a liability.
I feel like an invalid.
I hate this body of mine yg ga nurutin apa yang gw mau.
I feel stupid.
I feel evil.
Gw mikir... kenapa ga gw aja, kenapa musti MS?
He would’ve made a much more useful citizen of the earth dibanding gw.
Apalah kontribusi gw buat dunia?
Wong buat org di sekeliling gw aja zero kok.
Toh semua juga taunya gw si judes.
Gw si galak.
Gw si tukang ngomel.
So what’s the point?
Keingetan MS nangis dari siang.
Barusan denger pidato Jokowi nangis lagi.
Liat klip Ahok nangis.
I think those people moved me.
Orang2 bener dengan perjuangan yg beda.
Orang2 yang punya “tempat” di bumi ini.
Orang2 yang dibutuhin dunia.
Maybe, maybe Im at the lowest point of my mentality.
I dont feel like I belong.
I honestly feel useless. Crippled.
I dont even know how or where to begin.
Konsep dunia di mata gw jadi blur.
Gw takut. Gw kuatir.
Dan gw cape.
Bacain blog kok kayanya belakangan isinya bolak balik soal health.
Uring2-an.
Dari kacamata manusia, tentu aja uring2-an itu amat dimengerti dan dimaklumi.
Badan ga enak ya gimana ga nguing2 coba.
Sebenernya gw mellow2 begini awalnya kemaren.
District nurse dateng, trus biasalah... nanya “how are you?”
Gw jawab Im good, thanks.
Terus pas Andi sama Onya maen dikamar, it was just me and her.
The nurse looked at me straight in the eye and said,
“No, really. How are you really?"
A total stranger (dia bukan my usual nurse karena kalo weekend biasanya yg dateng casual nurse).
Gw setengah mati nahan aer mata.
At the end gw cuma bilang... I haven’t been myself for a long time.
Dan dia bilang gw kudu sabar.
That im gonna get better.
Dia bilang mungkin it’s hard for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But keep walking... you’ll see it. And you’ll get there eventually.
Sumpah kalo ga inget dia itu total stranger I would’ve broken down and cried.
It’s been a lonely journey.
And I know Im not the easiest person to deal with.
Tapi sebenernya Im not that difficult kok.
I just need someone who listen.
Who genuinely listen tanpa ada “keharusan”.
Someone who would just be there tanpa disuruh or diminta.
I feel like a liability.
I feel like an invalid.
I hate this body of mine yg ga nurutin apa yang gw mau.
I feel stupid.
I feel evil.
Gw mikir... kenapa ga gw aja, kenapa musti MS?
He would’ve made a much more useful citizen of the earth dibanding gw.
Apalah kontribusi gw buat dunia?
Wong buat org di sekeliling gw aja zero kok.
Toh semua juga taunya gw si judes.
Gw si galak.
Gw si tukang ngomel.
So what’s the point?
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