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Dedicated to My Sister.

Too much things in my mind I dunno where to start.
A mixture of anxiety, feeling of being left out, confusion and...... solemn peace.
Weird combination.

But there is hope. I know.

The end of the road I cannot see,
but I believe that things are gonna be just fine.

And now.... I do believe ,
that even in the storm we'll find some light.
Knowing you're beside me
..... Im alright.
- Melissa Manchester

Yah. Im alright. I know I am.

Had a wonderful time of weeping last night.
I was doing my night time prayer when suddenly I had this vision in my head.
I saw the face of my close friend. She was smiling and laughing.
but strangely... the next thing I knew, I started crying.

Wasn't sure why, but I felt such a deep sorrow.
I was devastated for reasons I do not know.
.... somehow, it felt like I was in her shoes.
I didn't (still dont) know why she felt so down.
but the feeling was so real, I knew I was crying for her.

I didn't do anything, I just wept....
(and praying so hard that my mom wouldn't come to my room and started questioning why I cried, coz I really dont have a valid answer to that)
I felt for her. My heart went to her.
I cried with my eyes close coz at the same time, I was trying to pray for her.
Hoping that she's fine.

The moment I opened my eyes, I saw a text msg on my mobile.
Guess who?
It was her texting me...
she told me that she's upset and felt "no more life"

Tried to call her, but ended up texting each other.
Im much better in writing than talking.
I think we both cried ourselves to sleep last night.

I knew that half of me was crying for her *for the reason I do not know*
but the other half of me was crying out of my conscience that..... I haven't been a good friend for her.
I wasn't there when she needed a friend,
when she needed a shoulder to cry on.

I've demanded too much from her.
I always looked at her as my older sister and my leader.
I forgot that a leader,..... is a mere human too.
Someone who has her ups and downs,
just like me.

Im sorry.
I hope she's better today.

I miss her.....
a lot.

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