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Day 12

Changed to one of the most powerful oral antibiotics. 
Still not working and the temperature is rising. 

Had a temper tantrum yesterday. 
I blamed the fever. 
Berasa kaya not myself tapi i couldn't help it. 
Nguing2 aja gitu, ngoce2 ndewek.
Macam lagi intoxicated gitu, bawaannya ngoceeee aja. 
Tapi ngocenya ini ngoce ngomel2 menjurus ke ngamuk. 

My target? The one and only Andi dong.
That poor guy. 

Tapi semua yg gw omongin itu uneg2 ati si.... told him I just dont understand how he can be so... cuek? 
So ignorant, so to say. 
Im not saying skrg si... 

More like when it all started with my eyes.
I may look cool and masa bodo on the outside,..... i even let people made fun of me kok for having to wear a granny glasses to read. 

But seriously, had it ever occured to you how fucking SCARED I was? 
Having to wake up and suddenly found yourself unable to read! Unable to see everything in close proximity?!
I slept the night before a perfectly healthy woman. In less than 12 hours I suddenly lost my ability to see.

Why did you think I pushed on to find an eye specialist on a Sunday morning, just before Sonia's party? 
Why did you think I gave in to RS Aini when I know I couldn't go to JEC that day?

Simple. 
I was SCARED AF!!

I need to keep my cool coz... well, Im me. Kalo gw panik gimana si mami? Gimana si papi??

Then knowing abis itu 2 dokter yg beda dari 2 RS yg beda nyuruh gw brain MRI.... menurut ngana??

BRAIN MRI loh. (Walo hasilnya bagus ya... itu regardless)

Imagine how anxious I was. Loh kenapa ini ujung2-nya jadi brain ya? Google2 symptoms n cause.... kirain ga stress???

Lah situ di NZ tenang2 aja denger berita bininya dadakan legally buta jarak deket. Malah encourage buat MRI di NZ aja pas balik yg masi 2 minggu lagi wkt itu. 

I just dont get him. I dont understand his definition of love. 
How can u love someone and totally not worry at all? 
If I were him, I would've flown me back immediately or at least suru MRI dulu di jkt biar tenang.

Ya sekelumit my two cents. 

That poor guy never knew exactly how I felt. Disangkanya gw santai2 aja. 
Even IF i am santai, dia juga kudu santai gitu?

He has no idea. 

Tapi maybe if I didnt have high fever, I wouldn't have that meltdown. 
As I said, I blamed the temperature (which averaging between 38.6-39.4 now)

Kasian si Shona. 
She seems so frustrated and guilty. Dia sampe bilang Im sorry I still cant find a solid answer for you. 
Such a gentle, genuine GP. It's not her fault at all. I've been a medical mystery since last year. 
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