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Sometimes you think you've wished upon all the stars God laid upon the velvet sky.
Sometimes you think you've had too many wishes... you wonder if making another one would make any difference.

You don't know why you feel so alone.
It's like you're lonely... yet you long for nothing.
It's like you're lonely... yet you long for no one.

I wonder if dreaming will, one day, throw me upon a rag of thorns.
I can't seem to find another way out.
Afterall, I don't see waking up as an option.

I don't think I'll be able to handle the situation.
I don't think growing up was ever part of the plan.
In dreams, that is.

From here, the line is fuzzy. I don't wish to go back.
I don't need another secret to keep yet I don't want anyone to find out.
I don't want to let it out and let it hurt me.

Bruises fade but the pain lingers. And it lingers until you find a more painful wound to bear.

Tuhan, selama ini aku berjuang.
... berjuang melawan pikiranku sendiri.
Menolak untuk menjadi seorang yang gagal.
Refuse to be a loser.

... but it gets tiring after more than 2 years.

Dia bilang begini, "Uang abis, degree ga dapet... ahirnya gagal semua"
Sakiiiiit pas dengernya.
Salahkah aku? Bukan mauku demikian..
Tapi maybe, just maybe..... this time, he is right.
Maybe I am a loser.
Maybe I should start giving in with the thoughts.

I've spent the whole 2 years telling myself that Im not a loser.
... that everything happens for a reason.
... that God knows what he's doing.
Tapi maaf kalau aku mulai ragu.
Maaf kalau sejuta rasa di kalbu mulai memudar.

Comments

just me said…
nobody is a loser.
some thoughts are dreams meant to entertain, others are visions meant to inspire. life is pleasant with both but they are of little value without conviction.

hw real is this dream? if it is God-inspired it will come to pass. meanwhile be faithful in little. i suppose it's good to evaluate frm time to time where the dream stands and of hw much value it is and why.

you've always talked abt it, the same dream all the time, i'm assuming. you've talked the same for years, i'm not sure if it is a good thing or otherwise.

whatever said and done, past, present and future to come, only remember that no matter what, God nvr holds back His best for us.

it's been awhile ...
take care

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