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The Me Inside this Saturday Afternoon

I'm walking through the barren land I made my sanctuary.
I've been shunned away to an edge I never thought life would put me on.
I've been gone too far, for too long.
Yet I'm still waiting for someone to bring me home.

I don't define who I am.
I am defined by the many, tumultuous, reasons beyond charts of historical values.
My lips are saline from the tears that I've spent the whole night pouring.
And in this altered confusion, I can't seem to recall the heart I remembered.

If I just had enough courage to put myself together...
.... and look forward to each, new day, without having to make something up...
perhaps - just perhaps - life has many other unwritten meanings I have yet to decipher.

That this bird has yet to soar, that the sky has yet to fall upon its feet.

I never mean to be a pessimist.
Everything but the battle inside my head has been accounted for.
I never wish to handcuff myself.
... but the reality bites!
Sometimes, you dont always get what you want.

And I thought by keeping secrets,
I've earned a different kind of freedom that no one else can sense.
That deep down inside, I have won.

Somehow.

Because beneath this great surge of pretence, I sometimes still lose my way.
... Still in search for that silver lining I once saw.

I've promised never to let them bring me down.
But I'm building a wall up so high around my own self-reflection,
I can hardly tell when I should stop,
..... and start constructing a door to let someone in.

I dont know if things should be any different.
I dont know if I could be any stronger.... or any weaker.
I have nothing to hold on to but my dreams.

But some dreams can't be shared... coz others will only destroy it.

I pray that one day, I will find my way and never lose it again.

Be strong!
We're not here just to play, to dream, to drift.
We have hard work to do.

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