Skip to main content

Another Letter to the Highest

Tuhan,
Aku mau ngadu lagi.

Hari ini sepertinya semua salah.
Sepertinya ga ada yg bener.
Hatiku rasanya berat banget.

Tadi aku sediih banget.
I'm sad that life's not all as it's supposed to be,
... or at least how I planned it to be.
Its really aggravating that life always skews from initially intended.

Why is it that sometimes life has its own uncanny way of making me want to scream profanities?
God, Im sorry...
but restraint is really a challenge when I'm feeling like shit practically all day.

Sekarang,
Hari ini udah ampir abis.
It's 10.18 pm now.

Aku uda ga marah lagi.
Aku uda ga sedih lagi.
Aku uda ga takut lagi.
.... tapi aku caappeee banget.
Tired on the inside.

Im drained, Lord.
Really I am.
I feel so vulnerable... so fragile tonight.
Touch me and I'll break.

Ah.
Tapi Tuhan, makasih ya.
... for everything.

In moments like these,
I sing out a song..
I sing out, a love song to Jesus.

Cuma Kamu yang tau isi hatiku.
Cuma Kamu yang mengerti.
I heart You.

... aku akan terus berlari ke garis finish.
Aku janji ga akan menyerah.
tapi hari ini,
boleh ya aku istirahat sebentar?
Aku lelah.

Tuhan,
Peluk aku ya.
Jangan kemana2.... temenin aku malam ini.
Please.

Ko mendadak aku jadi mellow...
ah...
bodoh...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Bucket List

Yep. Been hearing a lot about people dropped dead suddenly. Mulai dari si Adjie Masaid, babenya si Joshua, then just now Emma's friend juga Dadaism died of heart attack. She was 29 years old, just got ,arrayed last October. Life is so fragile. That's why I really hate Andi each time I have to remind him over and over again about healthy lifestyle. Anyway, decided to make a bucket list for myself. 1. Back to NZ 2. Sky dive 3. Vacation to Russia 4. Having more than enough funds for Onya to pursue her degree in England, Oxford University preferably :) 5. Ngeliat Andi punya bodi keren 6. Buying a house for my parents 7. Karet tengsin dijual Hmmm....... Belon kepikiran yg lawn. Nanti di update lg deh
Post a Comment
Read more

Lavender and Butterfly

My very first (and probably my last) tattoo. Why lavender ?  Because I love the smell.  I love the colour.  Lavender is pretty much the only plant that stays alive in my garden. It thrives in pretty much any weather with very little care. It lives with a big bunch of other lavenders but it can also lives on its own little bundle. It shows strength, and grace. Butterfly means beauty. Not just superficial beauty... but beauty after a storm. Beauty that was earned.  Like, after it went through struggles from a cocoon. Plus, you see butterfly (normally) in a great weather. Adds the beauty to the surroundings, like a balance in the universe.  Psalm 23:6 , is what I really resonate in my life.  That no matter what, no matter where, no matter how many bad decisions I’ve made.... God’s goodness and mercy is always with me. That I’m okay. That the God who made the universe loves me still.  That regardless how fucked up I am, His goodness and mercy is always wi...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Wife's Heart

Postingan kali ini buat Andi. Feel so blessed beyond words punya suami kaya beliau. Walo banyak rese n nyebelinnya juga. He works really hard. I mean REALLY hard. I know I've complained about him being too busy, but lately he changed. Yes, dia masih sibuk banget di kantor. Yes, dia masih suka 'nyetrap' gw di mobil suru tunggu. Tapi I know that family is his top priority. The house is almost done. Andi spent hours last Sat and Sun buat bebersih rumah. Gw ga boleh ikut. "masih debuan banget" - gitu katanya. He knows Im allergic to dust and frankly, what can a pregnant woman possibly do? Ga mungkin juga kan gw ngangkat2 furniture. Naek tangga aja suka engap. Dapet laporan dari Otoy, Andi ngangkat2 barang ampe mukanya merah, ampe kringetan ngeces2... Gw tau dia pasti cape banget. Tapi begitu pulang he brought nothing but his big, warm smile. "Udah. Nanti gw sekali lagi kesana, finalize bersih2 - then you can come. Tuh gw beliin kelapa, mau diminum sekarang ga?...
1 comment
Read more